WHEN YOU LEAVE THIS PLACE (WHAT WILL YOU TAKE?)

your anxiety is lying to you

I have spent my whole life nervous

Biting nails, foot tapping, fast breathing

I have been full to the brim with anxiety for as long as i can remember

This is how i thought i'd live my whole life

But then, suddenly, you were there, saying hello and

The whole world went quiet

The nerves disappeared into thin air

As if they had never been there in the first place

I've spent my whole life thinking i'd be alone

i watched my sisters and best friends become wives

my grandparents celebrating 52 years together

i thought soulmates aren't for everyone

kind of like milk or raunchy comedy

you only got one if you were quick or lucky

and i've never been either

our first date turned from 4 hours

into four days

we shared ice cream on top of a kids playground

washed each others backs and kissed under the showerhead like it was rain

walked the beach by the ocean and you didn't stop me from poking the dead sea lion

just warned me it would explode

It's been months now and the anxiety hasn't made it way back home

when i told you that i loved you, and you said it back,

i think it left for good this time

i give you poetry books after i finish them because you want to read what i like

i listen to your favorite songs and you tell me how they saved your life

we eat dinner with your parents at least twice a week

and you always say hello to my mother when she calls me

i never imagined a life like this

a life with love in it

love given directly to me