WHEN YOU LEAVE THIS PLACE (WHAT WILL YOU TAKE?)

october

October is hollow and wet

It rains sideways and upside down

I dont think the sun emerges for its entirety

Everything is red with anger and disbelief

The pacific northwest fall feels like a funeral

Mourning the parts of myself that died in the heat

There is a carcass in my bed where you used to sleep

I stuff it's empty ribs with pillows

Throw a blanket on top

Ignore the smells of death and sleep on its vacant chest

Just like when you were here

I haven't seen you since the leaves changed colors

Yesterday i thought about you so much i almost threw up

I kicked my car door until there was a dent from my foot the size of the hole you left

I left first

I ran away before you could

October feels like home

Which means it's cold and i feel unwelcomed

The wind pushes against me as if it wants me to leave

I stay out of spite

I always leave