Siren In The Sky // Bradley Bradshaw

Chapter 13

"Where do you think this nightmare stems from?" I look at my therapist like she's stupid for a moment. I've been going for a few weeks now and I relayed the recurring dream of Bradley, Regina, and Mav holding me down in the snow and taking the metal out of my leg. "It probably stems from me losing my leg." I say it more sarcastically than I mean to, but Dr. Johanson just laughs. "I meant in relation to the people in your life. You always describe them as emotionless in the dream and ignoring your pleas, despite that not being how it happened in real life. Do you know why that is?" 

I think for a moment. "I never really thought about it," I shrug. "Do you think that it's possible, on some subconscious level, that you blame them?" My eyebrows furrow. It never even crossed my mind to think about blaming them. "I-I don't think so. We were all just trying to survive. I understand that we did what we needed to." She nods as I speak. "Well you can understand, but still be upset. I think that under the sadness and anxiety you've been feeling, you're angry. The part of you that holds that anger is the part that knows that none of this is fair. That you didn't deserve what happened to you. It may just be manifesting itself in your dreams as the people who physically removed the debris." 

I contemplate her words. I don't want to blame them. I really do understand that it had to happen for all of us to survive. "How do I fix it?" She gives me a sympathetic smile. "You can't. You have to let yourself feel it and know it'll pass with time. Right now your brain is trying so hard to block everything out and to pretend it didn't happen. When you decide to let yourself work through it, you'll begin to accept it. It will be difficult at first. You'll have days where you remember specific details about it, and those days can be rough and triggering. But, as you start letting yourself remember- the easier it will become."

I let out a long sigh. The meds Dr. Johanson gave me to sleep have been helping, but I'm still so tired. "How is your relationship with Bradley going?" she asks. My lips quirk up a little at the mention of the brown-eyed boy. The all-too-familiar warmth in my chest appears every time I think about him. "Things are good, I guess. Or better than they were before. We're communicating more about things." She nods along to my words. "That's good."

My smile falters slightly though. "Is it not?" I hesitate. "It is. It's just- I don't know how to word this. It's like our lives have been overcome by all these problems, and there isn't much room for romance. Does that sound stupid?" Dr. Johanson firmly shakes her head. "No, not at all." This motivates me to continue. "He's back on duty now, and I'm just trying to get myself back together. When we see each other our minds are both so preoccupied that all we really do is eat and sleep. I don't want that to be our new normal." 

She listens intently, but not in like I'm your therapist sort of way. Like a friend. That's what I like about her. Our sessions feel like I'm just ranting to a friend for an hour. "Have you talked to him about it?" I purse my lips. "No..." She laughs lightly and I join in. "You should. He could be feeling the same way and just not want to push you to take on more." "I didn't think of it like that." Checking her watch she says, "That's all that we have time for today. But, this week's assignment is to talk to Bradley and do something fun together." I smile. "Will do. See you next week."

Walking out of the office to the car I feel motivated to spend some quality time with Bradley. No worries. No problems. Just us. So when my eyes catch him sitting in his truck scrolling through tik tok, I feel butterflies in my chest. When I climb in he closes it out and turns to me. "How was it?" He's got that smile on his face. The one that I can't help but return. "It was good. Um, do you want to do something?" I ask. I'm nervous he's going to say he's too tired or something. But, instead, his smile widens. "Like what?" I shrug."I don't know." That's when I spot the glint in his eye. "I have an idea."

A half an hour speeds by. The warm air flits through our rolled-down windows as we blast music and terribly sing along. When we get to back roads with no one on them I begin to question. "Where are we going?" Bradley pulls over to the side of the road and stops. "Here." I look at him in question. "I don't get it." He laughs and ruffles my hair, causing me to bat his hands away and attempt to fix it. "You are going to drive." 

Excitement rushes through me. I haven't been able to drive since the accident. "Really?!" "Gotta start sometime." I hop out of the truck and go around just as he does the same. I cannot explain the significance of being behind the wheel again has to me. Driving is something that, at least in the U.S., most people do. It's the freedom of being able to go where I want when I want to. It's independence. Doing it again makes me feel like my own person once more. And driving down back roads faster than I should, as we yell over the wind. Talking about aliens to what we should cook for dinner. I couldn't ask for anything better.

A/N    So sorry I haven't updated in so long! Life has just been really busy lately! Just a few more chapters left to go in this book which is crazy. I am starting to think of ideas for another one so if anyone has suggestions or things they want to see, feel free to tell me!