Mercedez 2: Blinding Lights

12

Patience

They said when you build relationships, you have to be secured at all costs. It may be financially, emotionally, mentally or physically. Basta ba't may maibuga ka. That's what I learned through the years after Toni and I broke up.

Kaya lang, kasabay din ng napantanto kong iyon ay ang kagustuhan kong maging safe nalang. I just don't mean the boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. Kasali na rin ang pakikipagkaibigan, pamilya at iba pa. I just want a safe connection.

Gusto ko ng safe na connection because ayoko na ng mga lies, betrayals, inconsistencies, at half-love. Half-love in a sense na may pagmamahal nga raw para sayo pero palagi ka namang pinagsisinungalingan.

I just want some respect. That's the only way I can feel safe.

I admit, sobrang guarded ko na simula no'n. Dati, laid back lang ako eh pero pagkatapos no'n, ayoko na. Kahit sa pakikipagkaibigan, natatakot na akong mag-invest. Sobrang nasaktan ako sa ginawa nila ni Mariz.

I treated her like my own sister because I only have my cousins with me at hindi ko pa araw-araw na nakakasama. Meanwhile, the two of us were inseparable for years. Kaya hindi ko maintindihan. And I will never understand.

Toni and Mariz betrayed me.

"Ano ba, Toni?! I had enough!" I shouted at his face.

I couldn't stop my tears from streaming down like my tear-duct are producing a lot because my brain told it to so my heart could lose a bit of weight.

Gerard Anthony Montero is my boyfriend since 8th grade. He's my first boyfriend. And we have been together for a year. Kaka-anniversary lang namin two weeks ago but I am already hearing rumors about him texting a batchmate, or more likely flirts through texts. Again.

Yes, again.

Sometimes, the girl would be from a different school. Sometimes, she would be from the cheering squad I'm a member of. Sometimes, she would be from the lower batch. Basta iba-iba.

But I didn't believe any of them. Pero iba ngayon, dahil nakita ko silang nag-uusap sa may hallway. Sa wala pa talagang tao! The girl was even caressing his arm!

I waited for him to have lunch with me in the cafeteria. I called and texted him but to no avail so I decided to visit him in his building to personally check on him. Tapos iyon ang maaabutan ko?! Hinimas-himas pa ng girl yung arm niya and he didn't even dare to dodge!

"I've been ignoring the past rumors but I think all of it were real!" sikmat ko.

He sighed. Akmang hahawakan niya ang left hand ko pero iniwas ko iyon.

"Babe naman! We just talked about our assignment!" he raised his voice angrily.

Aba!

Nagitla ako sa pagtaas niya ng voice pero I was too mad to even care.

Ha! Talking about their assignment pero kung makatingin sa akin yung babae nang mahagip ang mga mata ko ay parang nanunuya! She is mocking me!

"You're kidding me!" Hindi makapaniwalang anas ko.

Napabuntong-hininga ulit siya na para bang nauubos na ang pasensya nito. Halatang nagtitimpi lang.

"I swear, I'm not doing anything like what you think it is."

He calmed down. Masuyo niya akong hinawakan sa magkabilang balikat.

"Babe, you are really over reacting. It's nothing. Normal lang iyong mga rumors na kakalat dahil ang gwapo ng boyfriend mo at maraming nagkakagusto sa akin. Pero hindi iyon totoo, okay?" Nangungusap ang mga mata nito.