The Suicide.

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LOUIS

            My feet carried me through the woods in search of wood and dry leaves as Paul had directed me to. The soil underneath me was wet, but I don’t even remember it raining. The thing is I don’t remember much at all. Honestly I don’t even know if Paul told us to go get wood and leaves or if I just made that up. All these words just pass by me and I can’t differentiate between what’s in my head and what’s actually being said. I think people have been talking to me, but I’m not really sure. None of them are really important anymore. Then again, what is important? What really matters? If this was class, I would be the kid raising my hand and shouting  “ooh ooh I know! I know! Pick me!” and then putting my other hand up as if it would help. That kid is the one who knows the answers so well, because they have studied it. I studied the answer to this question. I crammed for this question. I crammed it all into one night. In one night I learned the answer to the question: What is important? And to many people, the list goes on and on, but I have one answer.

            Nothing. Nothing is important. Nothing matters. I care about nothing. Everything is gone, leaving me with nothing. Eleanor’s gone. She was my best friend and of course I have other friends, but I couldn’t tell them some of the stuff I told Eleanor. I could look into her brown eyes and just let the words fall out of my mouth. I knew I could trust her, I knew she trusted me. There was that bond that doesn’t exist anywhere else, besides you and the person you love and want to spend the rest of your life with. You don’t know this bond until you experience it. It’s impossible to describe, but you know when you feel it. This bond is called love. It’s not the family love though. That’s something different. Family love is what Lottie and I had. I trusted her, but in a different way. Once again, it’s impossible to describe. Everyone feels the natural love towards family, but some leave their family as much as possible or wish the other person wasn’t part of their family so they didn’t have to love them. It wasn’t like this with Lottie and I. If we weren’t family, we would’ve found a way to become friends, because right next to Eleanor, she is my best friend. These girls are everything and now it’s gone. I have nothing.

            More light surrounds me and I realize there are not many trees anymore. My knees can’t take the grief anymore and collapse leaving me on the ground. The tears are rolling by now, but who really cares? I don’t. I don’t care about anything anymore. We’re all going to die soon anyways. I mean who can really survive a zombie apocalypse for that long. It’s bound to happen. One Direction is over, there’s no way every single one of us will get out of this and continue to hold concerts. Who will we even have concerts for, everyone’s dead. Dead, gone, lifeless. No point in staying here just to find out all our loved ones are gone. I’ve answered all my questions except for one. Why am I still here?

            I have the boys and Paul and my mother and my little sisters and my friends back home, but how do I know they are not going to all leave me as well. What if I’m the last one standing? I can’t handle that. Two people gone is enough, I can’t do anymore. I’m done. I love all the people still alive and they’re the only reason I didn’t hang myself the second I found out Lottie and Eleanor were dead. I hate that word, dead. Maybe being dead, isn’t so bad. Maybe everyone just goes to this new land, where they all get to hang out again. Fuck I’m going crazy.

We are in different lands though. There are two categories, dead and alive and right now the people I can’t survive with are in the other land. I reach into my pocket and pull out my gun. My hands shake as I prepare the gun for the only shot I will ever take. Before I can press the trigger, it drops. I can’t do this. I can’t put the people that I love and are still alive through this pain that I’m in. I can’t be that cold. They’ve done so much for me and I’m going to just leave them. Yet I need to be with Lottie and Eleanor. No matter what land I’ll be in, I’ll be dead. No matter how much I love the people still alive, I have to leave, but not before a goodbye. I look back at the woods, but I don’t know which way I came. I’ve been sitting on this ground for at least an hour now just crying. I can’t say goodbye to their faces and let them see me disappear right in front of them. That would just be cruel. I need a goodbye, there has to be a solution. My legs start to work again and I find a stick on the ground. I begin digging into the dirt, carving each letter permanently into the ground and marking each one with a tear. When I’m finished, I pick up the gun from the dirt. I hope everyone doesn’t hate me for this. I hope whoever survives this time, will think of the happy times. All the fans, the family, the friends, I love each one of them, but sometimes that just isn’t enough. I’ve lost multiple fans at that singing right in front of my eyes already. I can’t handle another loss. I have to go. I clench the trigger and look back at where I think I came from, letting a tear drop.

            “Goodbye family, friends and fans. I love you all so dearly but I have to be with the other ones I love now. I’m going into the proper land for me, since I’m practically there already. Please don’t hate me. I really do love you all,” I whisper and release the trigger letting the world go black forever.

(A/N) Here's the short chapter of Louis' suicide since it was so requested. Did anyone cry? I practically did. I almost have 20, 000 reads by the way which is just crazy to me! I'm honored that so many people have taken the time to look at my writing. Also I became the co-owner of one direction instagram called thebest5brothers so go and follow it. If you go to it and you read this story, comment on any picture "Wow omg he looks just like a flying purple unicorn shooting rainbows". Alright comment and vote! Love you all xx

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