Not That Interested

Chapter 33: The One With Annoying Females

"There's nowhere you can be, that isn't where you're supposed to be" — The Beatles (All you need is love)

Shehzer's POV:

I still have a month left in my Lahore internship, but I feel like my heart is stuck in Karachi. It feels good to be doing something positive for my country, and I cannot deny the whole Lahore experience, but Karachi feels very close to home.

Mina's recent plight might have something to do with it. Seeing her on the roof, after the breakup was physically painful for me. I couldn't bear her agony, and mental anguish. The way she painted to forget, was extremely difficult to watch. I didn't even mind her rejection of my help; it was her defense mechanism trying to protect against more hurt. I hated Areeb's miserable guts for turning Mina into an insecure, self-conscious girl. Someone who was full of self-doubt. No girl should ever be made to feel less than lovable. I hated being away from her, where I couldn't help her get out of the misery and depression she seemed to be in.

Perhaps I should be glad over this breakup, but I just can't bring myself to feel joy in something that has caused her so much pain and suffering. I would rather see her happy with someone else, than miserable without them. I don't think I have ever felt this selfless for another person, outside of my own family. Maybe that's why I know that, for me, this girl is "It". She is my "The One".

Which makes me worried about another matter; should I risk approaching her again?

The thing is, I don't want to seem too arrogant, and opportunistic in front of her. I don't want to be the person who takes advantage of her at a low point of her life. She will end up hating me if I push too soon for her hand again.

I brooded over her reactions to myself, over the course of the summer. While she had never openly declared any feelings for me (makes sense, as she was already committed at that time), she also never explicitly said that she would be averse to the idea of us together. I remember her unwillingness to reject my first proposal all those months ago; she was trying to protect me from getting hurt.

I don't know why, but in retrospect, this white lie of hers now seemed sort of encouraging to me.

I skyped with Mom for some relationship advice, but it took a while for me to muster enough courage, and broach the "Mina topic". So after an hour of listening to her complain about the flight route, and recalling all the local news from Maryland, I prodded her towards the critical subject at hand:

"Ahem. Mom, I was wondering, if a person just got out of a bad relationship; how soon is it "Ok" for us to approach them, you know, as a prospective partner?" I bite my lip after letting out this question.

Mom is quiet for a few minutes, before she says; "Is this about Mina?"

I stay silent. Letting her make the connection on her own. She takes in a long ragged breath.

"Judging from your excited response, I'm assuming this is about her. Shazz. Sweetie. Are you sure you want to get involved in this? The girl is obviously emotionally distraught, how can she possibly be a good partner for you right now? Or even in the future? What if she still as feelings for her ex-fiance? How can you possibly live with someone who is hung up on another man?"

I am dumbstruck.

How stupid can a person get?

I never even considered this possibility. How absolutely arrogant of me to assume that she would automatically switch off her feelings for Areeb, and start a relationship with me. My bruised male ego refuses to even consider the possibility of sharing Mina with anyone. Even her thoughts should be mine, and mine alone. I want her completely. Entirely. It will kill me to get less than all from her. Maybe with another girl, it might have been possible for me to overlook the possibility, but Mina was different. It was irrational, and unfair of me, but with Mina, I tended to get irrational and unfair.