Not That Interested

Chapter 14: The One with the Moonwalk

I am slowly going insane. No, seriously. If it weren't for my daily yoga session (Thank you YouTube Videos!) and my paint dates with Rania on the roof...I think I might have pulled my hair out with all the suppressed nervous energy inside me. It began after my informal engagement to Areeb.

He was being wonderful about it. He was helping me decide the engagement dress, the whole party ambience and stuff. Mom and Dad loved his brief visits, they showered him with snacks, questions and love.

Apparently, he was secretly being grilled about the post-wedding scene; his job situation, Graduate studies, his living preferences etc. I was impressed with the guy's mental strength.

The added pressure of mentally preparing for the engagement just about made me snap. I started eating. A lot.

I happen to be a nervous eater, so I was devouring anything and everything in our snack cabinet, refrigerator, deep freezer etc. etc.

Whenever I thought about the whole ceremony; me being prettied up, and being the center of attention, I would eat.

Whenever I thought about everyone knowing about Areeb and me....I would eat some more.

Whenever I thought about penguins, I ate. Painting made me hungry. Seeing Waleed's horrible design posters made me ravenous. Books? Chomp. TV? Chow.

Seriously. All sorts of random thoughts were slowly propelling me towards obesity.

Adiba found out about it, when she caught me nibbling on an awful snack Chilli Milli. (spice flavored jelly) during a client meet. My best friend came flying to my rescue for that weekend, armed with 5 of my closest University girlfriends.

While my engagement was still under wraps for most people, I had confessed to the girls (Leena, Mahnoor, Miraal, Fatima, and Zoha) about me being "Single-no-more" during a whatsapp groupchat.

They had stalked Areeb on Facebook, and sent me blush-worthy comments about his face and body. We loved each other like crazy, despite the separate ways our careers had taken us. I was showered with "Mashallahs" and "Lucky Bitch-es", while they threatened daily to come over for a bachelorette party.

Apparently, Adiba had had enough, and she threw me this surprise party in honor of my impending engagement. But mostly, to distract me from all the nervousness.

I woke up to six girly screams. And two cans of snow spray. And a good sized water-bucket. They even made an awful video of me snoring/drooling before the actual "Surprise!!

My girls loved the "gentle" treatment. EMV was fuming mad, and ranting about traitorous best friends.

They shoved me into the shower after they had properly grossified me.

I wore a new navy blue Kurti that fell to my knees, It's loose fittings made me feel delicate (binge-eating pounds aside). Zoha and Miraal blow dried my disobedient hair, while Mahnoor slapped makeup on me. Leena, Fatima and Adiba hung out in my room taking a thousand and one snapchat selfies. Just our typical girl-hangout.

But then Adiba left for a few minutes returning with a cutesy designer cake. It was all pink, white and red, decorated with a tiny fondant me, and a tiny fondant Areeb. (both ugly as frack, Mashallah, but hey, it's the thought that counts!) We were surrounded by stuff that we liked. A tiny Camri, engineering tools, Paintbrushes, books, iPods etc. I teared up when I saw that.

I was immediately hugged to death when they saw the tears. Then someone shouted "Why aren't we dancing?" That's when it started. One terrible, cheesy song after another was blasted from speakers Adiba had borrowed (read:Stolen) from Ali's room; and we danced like mad to them.

I am an okay-ish dancer, I suppose. Attending upbeat Art School parties can help you pick up some moves, but a most of my friends are insanely crazy dancers. Adiba in particular is a regular bollywood dance queen. She twirls, jumps and moves her butt like she is on TV or something.

I mostly end up taking pictures, and doing embarrassing renditions of Hookah Bar And Uptown Funk. Pretty soon, my friends request my specialty: The moonwalk.

I do this awful mix of foot shuffle, and The lawnmower that always has my girls in stitches. As soon as I do the ending lawnmower push, they collapse into giggles, and screams. I am so happy in that moment, so carefree, so alive! it was blessed. Weird dance moves and all!

Then, Adiba decided to ante up the sexy with her version of Miley's Wrecking Ball. She made us hide away all cellphones before twerking like a pro. We hooted and howled with appreciation.

After we collapse, exhausted, onto my bed. I lazed around when I felt my phone buzz beside me. I realized that I have three facebook texts, from SHEHZER H. KHAN! I nervously click open the inbox.

Shehzer: Hey there neighbor. Just wanted to say, I loved your moonwalk. ;) Haha! close your curtains you idiot.

OH. MY. GOD.

Shehzer: Also, I swear, I left before she started twerking. Apparently Rania loved that part. So did Salman.

AAAAGHHHH! there's a third one!!

Shehzer: Btw, they are still watching the show. :D

I started screaming. Thrusting my phone towards Adiba, I make my way towards the blasted window, which opens towards our neighbor Shazia Auntie's gallery. Sure enough, Rania and Devil Spawn are perched on their ledge, munching on some snacks.

Staring. Right. At. Me.

Rania waves excitedly when she sees me; I have to grimace and wave back. Devil Spawn on the other hand winks at me. HE WINKS! and yells "You dance like a giraffe!"

Behind me, I hear a long tortured wail. Adiba is inconsolable with embarrassment. She has nothing to worry about! at least she dances amazing! Ugh. A hot guy didn't see her dance like a giraffe!!

I jerk the curtains back. Too little too late though.

WHY AM I SUCH AN IDIOT WHY?