Sonder

Toska

toska/to–ska/ * noun

An immense and inexplicable ache for nothing and everything all at once - a heart-breaking yearning and longing for something, or someone.

CONTENT WARNING

Nothing too serious, but there is a drunk kissing moment that starts consensual and then turns non consensual, as well as a fight

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Shinsou blinked slowly, purposefully hard every time, because his eyes burned to the point it felt like they would tear up. He was tired, because he hadn't gotten a wink of sleep in over two days, and yet here Todoroki was, sitting across from him at his broken coffee table, sipping tea quietly and staring at him like it wasn't meant to be incredibly uncomfortable. Really, Shinsou didn't want any visitors today, all he wanted was to take a few sleeping pills and hope he got two, maybe three hours of sleep if his body was feeling gracious, but he supposed he should have at least expected Todoroki to show up at his door after that horrible reveal in the café nearly an entire week ago now.

"So," Shinsou started awkwardly, breaking the heavy silence. Todoroki merely raised a brow at him, something Shinsou could barely see under his bangs, making the sleep deprived man sigh when he couldn't get any sort of reply from his guest. "Why are you here, Todoroki? Not that I don't enjoy your company and all, but-"

"Shouto," Todoroki cut him off and put his cup on the coaster nearest to him. Shinsou didn't know why he had those, he never used them. "Please call me by my first name."

Shinsou pressed his tongue into the corner of his mouth for a moment. "Alright. Shouto. Why are you here?" He repeated.

"I wanted to come check on how you're doing, and Fuyumi asked me to as well. You didn't seem to be doing very well the last time we saw each other and I was worried. Midoriya was too, he was crying the other day because he couldn't get in contact with you and worried something had happened to you," Todoroki explained, his expression that same blank thing that wouldn't allow Shinsou to get even the slightest hint as to what was going through the guy's head.

"I've been busy," Shinsou said curtly, feeling somewhat annoyed that everyone suddenly wanted to invade his personal business.

"With what?" Todoroki asked with the slightest tilt of his head.

"School," Shinsou gritted out. "You know what? Stop. I don't know what this is or what you're doing, but stop. I don't need someone to constantly check up on me like I'm some fragile little thing. I've been fine and I'll keep on being fine, so you can stop pretending like you care and get out of my house. I'm sure your family needs you more now than I do."

It was quiet for a moment after, leaving Shinsou to stew in his thoughts and the guilt building steadily to settle over him like a weight. He didn't necessarily mean to snap at his friend like that. He knew Todoroki, knew his friend wouldn't do something if he really didn't want to or meant it sincerely, no matter what it was. But Shinsou supposed it was just getting exhausting to constantly have all these people worrying about him all the time when he was fairly used to simmering in his own emotions.

If circumstances were different, he probably would have felt more grateful for the care and support all these people were showing him - Midoriya, Todoroki, Kaminari, Sero, Bakugou, Kirishima and Mina - they were all coming from a good place and probably just worry for him, but he couldn't stand it at the moment. He felt like he had to try and deal with his shit first before accepting any help from others. Or maybe he was wrong about that, too, because he wouldn't be in this position if he was capable of sorting through his emotions.