Save Me - Joel Hokka | Blind Channel

Chapter 28: More than fifteen years ago

Content warning: Panic attack

Hello Blind Channel or whoever is reading this right now

This message is probably a bit weird to you but my hope had already faded and now I see a chance again. I understand if you don't have time to read a message as long as this is probably going to be but it would mean a lot to me. My fiancé told me about your band a while ago and I just opened your Instagram just to see your newest post which was uploaded only a few minutes ago. And now for my question... The last picture, there was a woman taking photos and you tagged a profile with the name 'tiger.photography'. Is her real name Marlene? Marlene Heikkinen? Maybe this question sounds a bit weird and you might wonder why I ask about that and if it's her, why I know her.

More than fifteen years ago, when I was still a young boy going to school, I went to a holiday camp and there, I got to know a woman called Marlene Heikkinen. We were very close friends after just a few days but after a while, we lost touch for some reason. For years, I tried to contact her again but I didn't have any information anymore. No phone number and I couldn't find her on Instagram either. She loved taking photos and from what I can see on your picture, your photographer could be her. Also, the name tiger would fit her so well... If it's really her, if your photographer is Marlene... Can you ask her if she remembers me, Jamari? I know this is not a typical message you'd get but I miss her so fucking much as one of my best friends and after giving up, I now see a chance to at least apologize for not texting her anymore back then at first. It would mean a lot to me if you could follow my request.

PS: I didn't text her because I of course can't be 100% sure it's her. And if it's Marlene, I don't want her to read this message when maybe she isn't fine at the moment and maybe you as her employers know better when to ask her about me.

Tears were running down my face the moment he mentioned who he was and as I was reading the message a second time, I was already crying and sobbing heavily. Silently, Joel pulled me against his chest and wrapped his arms around me. With his thumb, he started to gently rub my side. I couldn't believe what I was reading but now everything made sense; now I knew why Joel asked about Aava. He wanted to make sure that this was not Aava faking to be Jamari just to get in touch with me again.

To confirm that this message was written by my first ever friend, I clicked on his profile. When I saw the pictures on his profile that luckily wasn't private, there was no doubt left. Of course, he didn't exactly look the way he looked back then but I immediately recognized the green eyes with the tiny brownish sparkles in there. The message was sent by Jamari. He had tried to find me for years. He had missed me, too.

When I understood what all of this meant, even more tears were running down my cheeks but I wasn't sobbing as much anymore. "Do you want to answer him? Or call him? Or do you want to wait and let that sink in to realize it before doing anything?", Joel now carefully asked. "May I call him? I think... I want to talk to him, see him again. You have no idea how badly I missed him during the last couple of years..." "Of course you can! But if you want to make a video call, you should maybe get on something before. I don't have a problem with you having close male friends but I don't know if anyone of us wants him to see you wearing no kind of top..."

"Oh, right" Only now I remembered that I was still partially naked and obviously shouldn't call Jamari like this. Quickly, I grabbed the first piece of fabric I saw which turned out to be Joel's shirt and put it on. "Shall I go outside so you can call him without me being around?" "I don't have a problem with you being here", I mumbled and leaned my head against his chest. "But I don't know what Jamari will think when he sees that there's a halfway naked man behind me..." Quietly, I chuckled. "Well, yeah, that could be weird. Let's just sit up and I'll sit next to you so that he won't see me; what do you think about that?"