With Or Without You

12.

Teja's POV:

It is so hot and everyone in this car is so annoying.

'Is there anything to eat?' Aahana asks. 'I'm hungry again.'

I don't need to check my mirror to know that Advik has just offered her a flapjack.

'Not that,' Aahana says. 'There's only so much glorified porridge one can take. No offence, Advik.' She twists to look in the boot.

'For God's sake,' Naina says.

'All right. Five questions for Karan,' Advik says after a while.

He sounds more subdued now. Hmm. Worrying. At least when he's joking around he's not up to anything evil.

'I'll start,' he says. 'Why haven't you tried to get your poems published yet?'

I dial down the volume on the music and glance at Karan. I want to hear the answer to this one.

'I don't think they're ready,' Karan says eventually.

Interesting.

It's the only answer I'd accept, and one he never gave when we were together. It was always, Oh, they're just drivel, or, Nobody wants to read that.

'Well, all right,' Advik says. He shifts in his seat. 'When will they be ready?'

'Is that another question from my five?'

'Yes, it's another question,' Advik says testily.

'They'll be ready when . . . I . . . I don't know. When I can read them without wincing.'

I frown. 'What if they're meant to make you wince?'

'Huh?'

'I don't know a lot about this stuff – you know I don't – but your best poems were always the ones you let me read last.'

Quiet descends again. The music's a whisper now, and I can feel sweat trickling down the inside of my upper arms.

'You never told me that,' Karan says.

'Didn't I?'

'No. I could never tell when you liked a poem.'

This genuinely surprises me. 'I always liked them.'

Hiya suddenly raises an eyebrow at Karan, 'You let her read your poems?'

I look at him trying to decipher his thoughts. He looks like he's almost in pain. Swallowing hard he says, 'Umm yeah.'

Advik perks up, 'Are you serious? I didn't realise you guys were that close..'

I have a hard time looking at anyone in the face. Fuck I just couldn't have kept my mouth shut, could I? How are we gonna get out of this one?

I notice Aahana trying to catch my eye in a warning signal but I ignore her because I'm scared that if I do anything, I'll let something show.

Nobody except her knows about mine and Karan's history. Not Naina or Hiya or Advik. Certainly not the tour guide or the bus driver.

Karan shifts uncomfortably in his seat but his face is relaxed as he says, 'Oh we were on a shoot. The script talked about a theme I had written poems over and the director suggested I pick one to use in the scene so we were just discussing which would fit best.'

The lie rolls so easily off his tongue I'm almost offended.

Though I know better than to do any such thing. He's always been good at it. Lying. It's like a second layer of skin he wears over his calming demeanour.

No wonder it became so evident that I couldn't distinguish between what is real and what is fake anymore.

I bite my tongue to stop myself from saying something I'll regret and look straight ahead.

At least everyone buys it.

Though, I can still feel Advik's gaze piercing through me a little longer than deemed normal.

I shut my eyes hoping it's all in my imagination and he hasn't read between the lines. Advik might play the part of the harmless jokester most of the time but I know there's a lot more he's hiding behind that facade.

It could all be in my head but I'll have to talk to Karan about it.

We need to start being a lot more careful from now on.

No talking. No secret glances. And definitely no touching.

I had gotten so lost I had almost forgotten why I had put so many walls between the two of us in the first place.

They're starting to blur and I just can't do that to myself again.

The more distance I maintain, the better it is.

For both of our sakes.

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A/N: Sorry it's a short update today. I'm running a little busy but I'll try to make up for it tomorrow.

What do you guys think of Teja putting her walls back up? Were they ever down in the first place or is she trying to create more distance before something happens?

Please don't be a silent reader and do vote and comment if you found this chapter to your liking. Your feedback means the world to me!

Until next time.

Lots of love,

D