With Or Without You

11.

Teja's POV:

Bloody hell, it's hot in this car. The air con can't contend with eight adults and – I check my phone – thirty-degree heat. The forecast says it's going to be thirty-six by mid-afternoon. Wish I'd not bothered putting make-up on now. It'll probably be puddling on my chin by the time we get to the next location.

Karan shifts beside me. He's being a gentleman and not complaining about being in the middle seat, but his knees are jutting up towards his chest and he's pulling both elbows in. Kind of a T-rex pose. We'd save a lot of space if I sat in his lap.

I blink. That thought was . . . inappropriate. Karan's body is pressed against the side of mine. He's radiating heat, and as Taylor Swift sings out from the speaker – Hiya is on a Taylor thing, probably trying to make some sort of point – I think about how easy it would be to put my hand on Karan's knee. Instead I press both palms together between my legs and try to get a bloody grip on myself.

This is Karan. He left me. I don't love him any more.

But God, that orange-wood scent of him. My body's forgotten the misery and the heartbreak and it only remembers my face pressed to the hot skin of his neck as he moves inside me. The gasps, the euphoria. The joy of falling asleep naked and hot in his arms.

'Flapjack, anyone?' says Advik.

I swallow and press my legs closer together. My heart is beating a bit too fast. I feel as if Karan can tell somehow. He's holding himself still, like he doesn't trust himself to move. The radio, playing something hot and pulsing – 'Lover', maybe – is not helping.

I've forgotten what it's like to want someone like this. Has anyone else ever made me feel this way? Will anyone else ever make me feel this way again? God, what an awful thought.

I lean forward so I can see Advik past Karan. He's holding a large Tupperware of homemade flapjack. No idea where he conjured that up from. As I examine the contents of the plastic container in Advik's lap, I can feel Karan's eyes moving over the bare skin of my shoulders. The hairs rise on the back of my neck. Sweat prickles between my shoulder blades. I want him to touch me. Run his finger down my spine.

I lean back quickly, looking straight ahead. 'I'm fine,' I say. 'Thanks.'

'Just me, then,' Advik says cheerfully, tucking in.

Next time we stop I'm going to make sure I'm sat between him and Hiya. That'll sort me out.

Karan's POV:

Teja's still sitting next to me, still so distracting I have to close my eyes whenever she moves. Thank goodness for Advik, squashed to the other side of me, intermittently singing along to 'Blank Space' with infuriatingly incorrect lyrics.

'There!' Aahana yells, so suddenly everyone jumps. 'Burger van! Pull over!'

'Fucking hell!' Naina says. 'Stop shouting!'

'Pull in, then!' Aahana says urgently. 'I need food.'

The driver makes a noise somewhere between a growl and a fucks-sake and pulls over just in time, braking so hard we're all thrown forward.

Teja starts to fly forward, but I grab her by the waist with both arms.

My heart's pounding in my chest. Even though I don't have to, I'm still holding on to her tight, and just for a second I feel her sigh and fall her forehead against my chest, but then, abruptly, she pulls away from me. I think I can hear her heart beating fast too.

'Are you OK?' I ask her.

For a second I want Teja to say no so that I can do something, check her shoulder, her neck, just touch her. It's such a bizarre, torturous thing to be pressed up against the one person whose body I know almost as well as my own, to have my thigh sliding against hers, and not even be able to place my hand on her arm.

'Fine, yeah, just the whiplash from earlier,' she says. She turns her face away from me, examining the sun-streaked trees through the window as her fingers test at the muscles of her neck; my hands twitch with the urge to cover her fingers with mine.

'Let's go,' Aahana exclaims.

I make my way out of the bus and try to concentrate over the menu in front of my eyes. I try to concentrate on the bright, shining sun and even on the traffic lights on the road.

It doesn't work. All I can think about is Teja's soft, curved hip, Teja's bare thighs, Teja's long dark hair splayed across my chest as she presses her lips to the band of my boxers. It seems almost unbelievable now that holding her body against mine wasn't always a fantasy – that once upon a time I could reach out and touch her.

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A/N: It's getting hot in here, huh?

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Until next time.

Lots of love,

D