The unknown driver

chapter fourty

Amelia POV
I wake up at noon and get up. I feel like walking around a little and moving my legs. Slowly I get up and open the door. I walk out and see them sitting on the couch together.
„Hey how are you?", Charles asks as he sees me.
I nod and sit down between him and Pierre.
„Is it still hurting?", Pierre asks me.
„A little but it's okay"
„Are you hungry?", Charles asks me.
„No"
„Amelia you need to eat something.", Charles says but I shake my head.
„I am not hungry Charles. Can we please just watch something together and lay around all day?", I ask him.
„Okay if you say so. But in the evening you're going to eat something. Deal?", Charles says.
„Deal", I say and nod.
We watch movies the whole afternoon and decide on pizza for dinner. Lando orders some.
After half an hour the pizza boy arrives and we sit down to eat.
"Amelia you have to eat something", Charles says as he sees me staring at the slice in front of me.
"I know but-"
"No buts. Eat one okay? Just one and it's fine", he says and gives me a look.
"Fine", I say and start eating. I notice that I'm kind of hungry and eat about half a pizza on my own. At the end of the dinner Pierre says: "is it just me or did you guys notice that too that Amelia always gets the bad luck?"
"No she really does", Lando says and starts laughing.
"Guys we shouldn't", Luisa says and glances at them. I know what she means. Of course I do. She doesn't want them to speak about the rape.
"You know I thought about getting a tattoo", I say and they all look at me surprised.
"A tattoo?", Lando asks.
"And what do you want for a tattoo?", Pierre asks.
"A medusa tattoo"
Pierre and Luisa look down while Charles and Lando look at me questioningly.
"A medusa is for people that have been sexually abused", I say.
"Oh", Lando says and joins the others at looking at the table.
"Guys come on. You can still look at me you know? I know it's not a good subject to talk about but my therapist said I need to talk about it so I will. And the people I feel most comfortable talkig with about this are you so please don't react like that. It's not easy but it happend and I need to live with it", I say and Luisa looks at me with sad eyes.
She comes over to me and gives me a hug. I hesitate for a second but hug her back tightly. The others soon join too and we're in a group hug. After about a minute we loose up again and everybody sits down again.
"And where do you want it?", Charles asks me.
"I think on my back. I don't want it to be huge though. Just a little tattoo to let others know that they should be strong"
"That's very sweet", he says and I smile at him.
It's silent for a second before Pierre asks: "So guys we're flying home tomorrow evening. What's the plan for tomorrow? Or what do you want to do?"
"I would like to go skiing but I guess that's not an option", I say and point to my cast.
"Not really, no. We could go on a little hike in the mountain.", Luisa says.
"Can you do that?", Lando asks me.
"I broke my wrist not my leg Lando. Why do you mean?"
"I don't know maybe you want to rest a little or something"
"What do you think of going on a little hike tomorrow morning and then going to the airport? There are plenty of things to do", Charles says.
"That's a good idea let's do that", Pierre says and we all agree.
We're washing the dishes and cleaning up the kitchen when I notice that I need to take a shower. I haven't showered in two days and honestly I feel really dirty.
"Charles I need you to do me a favour please?", I ask him shily.
"Everything for you", he says and smiles at me.
"Well I haven't showered in the past days and I can't do it alone. So I wanted to ask if you could maybe help me?"
He looks at me a little suprised.
"I uhm- yes sure I can help you. But are you comfortable with that?"
God he's really the sweetest. A smile forms on my face.
"Would I be asking you that if I wasn't?"
"No. Okay I'll help you"
I wait for him on the couch until he has finished cleaning up. We go to the bathroom together and he prepares the bathtub for me.
As the bathtub is filled I go inside and sit down.
He covers his eyes as I go inside and opens them as I'm already sitting inside the tub surrounded by bubbles.
He starts washing my hair gently and I close my hair. Only now I realize how much I miss his touch. How much I need his touch.
"Are you okay?", he asks me.
"Yes. I was just thinking about you"
I open my eyes and see him looking at me questioningly with a slight smile formed on his face.
"I was focused on your touch and trying to enjoy not having to wash me myself when I thought of the time we were still together. How much I loved you touch."
"Wow I'm-", he starts but no further words come over his lips.
"Speechless?", I ask and laugh a little.
"Yes", he says and laughs too.
He continues washing me when he suddenly says: "I miss your touch too Amelia"
"You do?", I ask him.
"Of course how could I not? I wasn't the one who broke up with the other. If it was for me we would still be together."
"I know. I'm sorry. It's just- I don't even know. After what happend I just can't."
A rush of silence comes over the room.
"After I left?", he asks looking at the floor.
"Charles, I'm not mad you left. It's just- I- I still feel his touch on my skin. I still have these nightmares about this night and I just can't forget the feeling I had when he did what he did. The feeling of giving up and just letting it happen. The feeling of disgust I have everytime I look at myself in the mirror. The feeling of disgust I have when I think about myself I-", I can't speak further as I start sobbing.
"Amelia I didn't know I-", he starts but I interrupt him saying: "Charles, there's nothing you couldv'e done. You-"
"No Amelia let me talk. I understand that you still need time okay? But you can talk to me. After everything I still love you. And it's bad enough for me that you broke up with me but to hear how you feel about yourself is worse. If you had told me I could've helped you. Or at least I could've tried. Amelia I would do everything for you. You mean the world to me and to hear how the person that I think is the most beautiful, generous, kind, person in the world thinks about herself breaks me. I don't want you thinking about yourself like that. I want you to see you the way I see you. Please let me be there for you. Let me help you"
By the time he finishs his speech I stop sobbing. I look him into the eyes and we have deep eyecontact.
I can see the hurt in his eyes. The regret.
He leans down and gives me a kiss on my forehead. We both close our eyes and enjoy the moment.
He sits up straight again and says: "Amelia you are everything for me and I'm not letting you destroy yourself"
Tears run down my face again and he pulls me into his arms.
We're just sitting there hugging and nothing more matters to us anymore. Just the moment right now.
"Let's get you out. We don't want you to catch a cold do we?", he says and let's go of me. He kindly smiles at me and grabs a towel. He wraps the towel around me and we walk to my room.
"Do you need help?", he asks and points to the clothes.
I nod and he helps me dress myself again.
"Do you want to go to sleep or do you want to do something else?", he asks.
"Can we maybe play some games with the others?", I ask him shily.
"Sure. I'll ask them", he says and walks out of my room. I follow him and see Lando already searching for games. He comes back with a game called ''Monopoly''. We sit down as he reads the rules and gives us the instructions.