A Nightmare's Fate

Lost in a Memory

Chapter Two: Lost in a Memory

I remember the sleepless nights while he was off at war. I kept thinking the worse would come. I kept thinking negative thoughts, such despicable prospects in my mind.

And then karma smacked me in the face with those same results.

I left to my house not long after the fight with Freddy, just not wanting to pry into Periwinkle's life. Probably making our friendship fade, like what Freddy exclaimed. But also not wanting to face her and have her see me this way. This broken, like all has tumbled down and instead of landing on puffy clouds, I’ve landed myself on some hard concrete. Especially when Periwinkle and Freddy are married, I don’t need to be in their life and mess everything up. I’m already a screw up as is just by being depressing.

Walking into my house, a heavy burden lies upon my shoulders right when my feet steps right through the doorway. It feels like there is nothing in here but memories; sweet, dreadful memories racing through my mind, forcing me to remember every single one of them even when I tell my brain that I don't want to remember. Yet I don’t want to forget. But how can I forget the love of my life? How can I forget the man who is now dead? How could I allow Kenton to go off to war?

I tried to tell him. I tried to make him stay with me, but he never listened and I feel like I should’ve tried even harder.

The walls are painted white, but look completely dull as if I haven't lived here in ages. I walk down the hallway in the open, next to the living room and the kitchen, where a staircase follows up on the second floor, where our room was. Now it's mine that was someone else’s, but they were just passing through.

I walk up the stairs, without a care in the world, feeling heavy and tired, not wanting to keep my heart beating from such pain that is destroying my life. But I force myself not to do anything reckless.

            Opening the door to my room; seeing a king sized bed, a flat screen television in the corner, and then the images hanging on the walls all around the accommodation. I look to every illustration, remembering everything that happened during those picture-takings. Something I couldn't forget, like a first-time thing.

            I couldn't forget anything that happened between us, from taking those pictures. But it's disappointing not to cherish each moment with him now, since it's all just a memory being torn apart slowly, fading away like a rose being pulled from the soil––its peddles falling to the ground, preciously. But with just a stem and nothing more, the rose crumbles into nothing, blackening like a demon's soul, dwindling from life because of its death. It's nothing but a dried up flower, dead from no life in the soil.

Just like a memory. Like any memory everyone has. Yet we manage to keep that retention safe, locked up in a box and put away until we're either forced to remember or our mind wants to recollect the past. No matter if it's a sad recollection or if it's a happy reminiscence. There is always a way to get through the mind and into that safe, even if it looks to be locked eternally.

            I take one picture with Kenton and me holding each other tightly, grinning like two idiots. It was the middle of September in the image, a few years ago, so we were in winter clothing. My amber eyes gleam from the sun's rays coming down behind us, which made the picture look professional, which isn't since it's just taken by one of my cameras.

            Lying down on the bed, I hold the frame on my chest, remembering everything Kenton and I went through, everything that breaks my heart now. It feels like the pictures are my only way to stay close to him, to keep him near me and safe, but even though I want to believe it, I just can’t.