A Nightmare's Fate

Prologue

Prologue:

Gun shots fire and I flinch for a mere second. The sound pierces my ears and all I can think of is his face.

I wasn’t there to save him. I wasn’t there to know what happened. All that’s left is a memory, a memory for which haunts me, like an angry ghost keeping away people so he somewhat lives peaceful. But this isn't peaceful at all. It's the kind of haunting that happens when I’m afraid, the kind that manipulates my thoughts and makes me fear of ever recovering. It's the kind that makes Kenton appear in my dreams and then dies in it to make me afraid of moving on, to make me fear of ever closing my eyes.

            Gazing downwards to the red roses in my hand, I sniffle, knowing that these are for him. When I lift my head back up, the eyes of dismay and depression look towards my way and without another thought, I stand and walk towards the coffin at the front.

I take small steps toward the casket, not wanting to believe that it’s his deathbed, even though I just want to get this over with. I feel like going back home and crying my way to sleep, hoping that I won’t have any nightmares like I’ve had before, like the ones of him dying in front of me. All I wish for is for this to be over, but I don’t want to be apart from Kenton, I want to be with him. I want us to be together and for this to never happen. If only he never died, if only there was a way he was still alive. If only this could be just some sick dream, making me think differently of what happened to him out there on the field. Maybe I just need to pinch myself so that I can wake up from this horrid nightmare?

But even I know that it won’t happen. I’ll still be here, I’ll still be crying and drinking and isolating myself from everyone else so no one can see me hurt, in an emotional pain that rots every single part of my body. It’s like it’ll never end, as if I’m supposed to be in this position where my fiancé just dies and leaves me to grieve.

Stopping in front of the coffin, I place the flowers on top of it, taking a small glance at the picture of Kenton. His brown eyes and bright blonde hair that is basically cut off, just brings sadness to my life because I miss those parts of him; and his smile brings happiness to me for a second, but it quickly fades once I realize it’s not just some picture to feel content over. It’s a picture that puts me in ruins, making me demolish my stature every time I think of his name. The photo does nothing but make me miss him more and more, like the man that’s within the picture just wants me to cry. No Raven—not here, I think.

I am unable to cry in public, it makes me feel like I shouldn’t, like I’m a coward trying to find attention within a crowd full of strangers. That is one reason why I isolate myself, especially leaving distance between me and my friends. Even though they know my pain, I can never feel like crying in front of them, it just seems wrong.

            Before my body turns around to the crowd of people, my eyes meet Freddy’s, Kenton’s best friend as well as mine. “You okay?” he mouths.

I nod. My mouth can’t even form words at the moment, so what else can I do? He asks me an important question, even though he knows the answer, but I understand his act of kindness. It’s just the type of question that makes me feel like no one should ask, especially in my position.

The moment I glimpse at his outfit, the visions of terror rise in my mind and the only thing I can possibly think of is killing another person. My body shivers at the thought of it and I head back to my seat, ignoring those that stare at me.

What hurts as I walk down the aisle, is that I catch a small gaze at Kenton’s parents, who don’t do a single thing but look at me in disgust. They’ve always hated me, as I’ve noticed throughout my teenage years. I don’t know what it was, but I know that they have always thought that I wasn’t right for Kenton, and I may never have been.