Letters

Line Without a Hook

Ovid, in his work Metamorphoses tells us the story of Thisbe and Pyramus. The lovers of Babylon. A young woman and a young man fall in love, both belong to rival clans. They cannot wed, they cannot meet. But plot twist, their houses share a wall. Now why warring families would want to live as immediate neighbors, makes no sense to me whatsoever. But ancient mythology, go figure.

Right, so... common wall. Now in the common wall, was a crack. And that is how they fell in love. Through a crack in the wall. But there's only so much light a crack can let through, so they decide to meet. They arrange a clandestine affair, to meet by a tomb next to a mulberry tree. When Thisbe shows up, she sees a lioness, her paws stained with blood. As any human in their right minds would be, she was terrified. So, she ran, to get to safety. However, in the process, she dropped her cloak, and the lioness tore through it, staining it with blood. When Pyramus finally arrives, he sees Thisbe's cloak stained with blood and he sees the tracks of the lioness with the bloody paws.

Our lover-boy puts 2 and 2 together and arrives at the conclusion that his Thisbe was eaten by a beast. So as the romans often did, purely out of the longing for a dramatic death, he fell on his sword. That's right. He fell. On to a sword. 

When Thisbe returned, she saw her love dead on the ground. It broke her heart and as she lay next to him, preparing to stab the sword through her heart, she prayed one last time to the gods. She prayed that they be buried together so they may stay together for an eternity. The gods took pity at her as she put the sword through her chest and died next to her Pyramus. The blood from Pyramus' wound stained the mulberries and turned them from white to a deep purple, and Thisbe was buried with her lifelong love.

Sound familiar? It's something like Romeo and Juliet. Except would you believe me if I said that Shakespear got the idea for that from a completely different place. He molded the story of A Midsummer Night's Dream. The tale of Pyramus and Thisbe wasn't even a roman one, it was Greek. It happened in Cicilia; Ovid just told the story better.

This is my worst fear. Someone else telling my story before I do. My story being stolen, and changed: or worse, forgotten. But coming back to the topic of the tragedy. Pyramus and Thisbe lost the battle of love because they never fought. They hid and snuck around but never had the courage to stand up and say they were in love. Never had the courage to be proud about what they had. Another fear... I'd lose my love id I did no fight hard enough. 

I looked out the window. After the call with Penn yesterday, there was nothing I could do to stop the bleeding in my heart. 

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Look, Hannah, I know that I and Penn broke up. I am no one to defend his actions. But he was defending me there.

You're delusional if you think that. He shamed me.

You guys were bringing me down without second thought. 

You're an idiot Mae. 

Whatever he called you, I' not denying whatever he did, okay?

What he did was wrong.

Maybe he was wrong for you.

Well, He was.

He had my back is all I know

He is an asshole

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That was one conversation, and it ruined any happiness I could have had in my life for a long, long time. Penn felt betrayed, maybe he was right. I could have said more, not agreed to what she told me. I could simply have never responded to her at all. But all this time later, he still believed I hadn't had his back. That I'd lied to him and stabbed him. He still didn't see all that I had done. All the late nights I'd stayed up to talk to him, all the times I fought to have him. 

It was true that you could do a million things right and they would count; right up to the point you made one mistake. One mistake can take away everything you've ever loved or wanted.

I walked over to my study and pulled out a notebook and pen. This was how I'd always emptied my heart, and today, I needed it.

Dear Penn,

My biggest regret is that one day I will no longer be around to love you. One day, my illness with have its way and I'll rise above mortality. I will no longer be able to write you poetry that I never show you. I will no longer bother you with mindless chatter. I will no longer call you mine, for there is not 'me'. I'm afraid eternity isn't that big after all. I will no longer cry with you or laugh with you. I will no longer be able to hold your hand. You might never miss my ready poetry, but only I know you deserve having it written about you. You might not miss the way you sometimes misunderstood my words; I know the way I speak is not easy to comprehend always. But you deserve to know I only ever spoke of you like you'd stolen the stars from the sky. One day, it will have been the last time I tell you I love you, but I promise I will love you well beyond death. Well beyond live, well beyond anything you could ever think up.

But no matter what goes wrong, no matter how much we fight, promise me you'll be there when I die. Promise me you'll hold my hand then, just for a while forget my sins. I could have the world and still be alone. But if I have you, I have everything, and I do not wish to die alone. So, promise me, no matter how far apart we are, no matter who we spend our lives with, you'll come back for when I leave. You'll be there. Drop everything, just let yourself me the last person I hold, or look at. And if there's only a little love left for me in your heart, bottle it up. Let me all have it at the departure. Let me give you all of mine for evermore as well.

Penn, you may never see that you mean everything to me. You may hate me for making you, my world. You can tell me a million times that you're noy my 'god'. But Penn you're more than any of those things. You're the reason I realized I was allowed to fight for what I wanted. You were and still are the only person I can talk too. The only person I'd let myself cry with and laugh with. The only person who has ever felt like home. If it's not the same for you, I will learn to live with it, I have all these years. But I wish you'd stop pushing me away because I will never let you down. I'm sorry if you ever felt like I did Penn but I didn't. 

Regrets and love

M