How I've been these past few years

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ni Mai_Abad

ni Mai_Abad

Thank you for including this writing from your readings although I have not been active on this part.

Since I stopped posting on this, I had struggled mentally and emotionally. It also resulted in self-doubt.

Before, I could find myself writing poems every time I was not fine. But I came to a point where I was emotional and self-doubt ran all over me.

I have been writing for 8 years. But I'm still at the first stage of my writing career. That made me doubt myself these past few years. It affected my mental and I had psychotic episodes which led to anxiety attacks. I was losing my mind literally.

When I was taking medications I could not write anything. But I tried to write despite this. I was mentally unstable when I was writing The Tale of Tsukuyumi from 2018 to 2020. I was unwell and sick.

Writing of any form cannot filter and clean my mind. I could not explain my experiences through writing poems anymore.

After I finished my novel in 2020, I felt burn-out which grew into self-doubt and writer's block. I could not write anymore. I was struggling again.

In 2021 when my thinking becomes clear and stable. Until now I have been having psychotic episodes, anxiety, and self-doubt, but this time I have also started writing by the last quarter of 2022.

I have written poems or rewritten poems. But I realized I don't want to post them here. I think this is not the perfect time for you to read them. Although I have written it to explain to people the ordeals of the mentally ill.

If ever I'll be releasing that unposted poem, I'll let you know.

I have decided to post it as a video to reach everyone. But I'm still thinking about it.

I hope you are well.