Paradox

Chapter 25: Past Tense

"So mum, you want to know what's wrong? Let's turn the clock back to that night in heaven when you drugged me -- shall we?" The devil's dark eyes gleamed like sharpened demon daggers ready to slice deeply.

Lilith ran her fingers through her curly hair in frustration. "Sam...er Lucifer, can't we just let the past stay where it's meant to?" she pleaded sadly.

With his heart beating in his throat he regarded her intently. "No mum. I've ignored it for far too long you made dad think you had sex with me but you told me that was just an act and that it never really happened."

She swallowed thickly sitting down on the sofa but didn't respond. This son was a lot like her. She never could handle betrayal well and it was obviously neither could he.

"Even now you say it didn't happen. But despite being drugged I have memories, memories that I can't get out of my head. Memories that turn my stomach. How can I have memories of something that never happened? Hmm, mum -- can you explain that?" his voice was hoarse and strained.

She could feel the stress settling in her shoulders and rolled then back trying to ease it. She had drugged him pretty heavily it was amazing he could remember anything.

She looked at him, frowning. "What kind of memories?"

"What does it matter?" he spat. "A parent doing any one of them to their child would be beyond sick."

The pit of seething unrequited fury in her stomach grew but she nodded and patted the spot on the sofa beside her.

He shook his head, regarding her warily.

She exhaled loudly and then spoke, "After your father disregarded my ideas and opinions and gave me to Adam, something in me changed. Do you know that? Right? I wanted our family. I wanted to be equal. You can't say I wasn't a good mother to you and your siblings before that?" She looked at him for affirmation. His dark eyes were watching her closely and he looked a little taken aback by her question.

Memories flashed through him of the fun times they had had. Adventures of learning to cloud surf, testing out his wings - learning to fly, music, singing, helping her cook and bake, and licking every bowl and spoon. He nodded grudgingly.

She was relieved that he seemed to remember the good times. She wanted him to focus on that. If she could attempt to let go of the past then so should he. She got up and went to stand in front of him. "I can't describe it but an all-consuming rage took hold of me. When I came back to heaven and learned of even more new creations your father made I couldn't think straight anymore."

"And that's when you geared up the attention you lavished on me -- I was just a pawn to you to manipulate so you could get your revenge on dad! You used me -- you defiled father's favorite son for your sick and twisted lust for revenge! You are monstrous!" he accused her angrily his eyes filled with wrath as all the hurt, betrayal and disgust welled in the pit of his stomach.

His words brought her fury to the surface, how dare this arrogant son judge her so harshly. She lashed out and did something she had never done before.

Caught off guard he stumbled back when she slapped him hard -- her eyes turning black.

His cheek stung, and he gasped out in shock, "You...you've never hit me before."

She closed her eyes, willing the anger to recede for now. When she opened them again she looked at him. He looked stunned, his cheek a bright red, his eyes suspicious but she could see hurt beneath it. Her heart clenched unexpectedly for a moment. She sighed deeply. "Will you please come and sit with me."

He didn't respond. His dark eyes were now wide and, wary.

She turned and sat back on the sofa. "Please, Lucifer."