Little Story: Beylani Story

Chapter 10

Beyoncé Knowles

"Solo I can't do this....of course I love her what do you mean?" I spoke to my younger sister as we bickered back and forth over the phone. I didn't matter. I truly could not keep this up. I'm tired. Tired of Life, work, everything. I was starting to fall deeper into depression, which was kind of normal for me around this time. It's the nineth of February, meaning the three year anniversary of my Bestfriends death was quickly approaching. Mentally I am not okay. On top of that I got the most heart breaking news. I thought after that one little hiccup we'd be okay. But no. Just as I pulled up to my cousin Angie's dinner party, I saw Kehlani already there. I was so excited to see her being that I had been away for a week. But as soon as I got close enough to see her, I heard her say the worst.
"I don't want Bey to find out. It'll crush her. Of course not! I don't want to hurt her." I didn't know what she was referring to until I confronted her. She was reluctant to telling me, until she finally decided to let it out. She'd been assaulted at the party and I got there too late. It was my fault in my eyes. If I had got there sooner I could have stopped the piece of shit who put there hands on my pregnant girlfriend. It's been four weeks and she still has yet to tell me who put their hands on her. We haven't spoken since.
"Than act like it Bey. I know your going through a lot but so is she. You know her mom just passed?" She said making me gasp in shock.
"She just got back on good terms. What happened?" I asked concerned.
"She was shot going home from work. That's not the point. She needs someone Bey. She needs you," I sighed. I wanted to be there for her but I was already spiraling myself. I hid it from my family and friends, but I couldn't even get out the bed without  horrible thoughts. Sometimes about harming myself, sometimes about harming others like the people who murdered my Bestfriend. And I know it wasn't heathy. I tried to see a therapist but that bitch was no help, asking me what the color green meant to me. I put Solange on speaker and ran my hands over my face as she continued talking. The more she talked the lord my head thumped.
"Okay solo- I'm just saying Bey you have...." Her voice drowned out as if someone turned down the volume than spiked it back up.
"OKAY!" I groaned out hanging up the phone. I can't do this anymore. I exhaled and let out a cry, as the tears fell down my cheeks. I'm tired, so tired. My phone dinged with a notification from the Bible app. That pissed me off so bad that I threw my phone. How dare God not help me. He's supposed to be all knowing. He knows the evil through ts going on in my head and kk matter how many times I asked for help, peace, guidance I felt like I was all alone. Just me. No one's gonna miss me, so why does it matter if I just leave. I looked out the window. I was about five stories up in this apartment. I could jump? Nah that would probably hurt too bad. But it would stop everything else from hurting me. I slowly climbed out the bed and walked onto the balcony. I peered over and saw nothing but the city. People busily walking up and down the streets. Ignoring all their surroundings. If I jumped no one would blink twice. I leaned over the railing further and just about let go.
"What the fuck!" Was all I heard before I was snatched back.
"No let me be!" I fought back, but she held me tightly, slamming the balcony door closed.
"What the hell Beyonce. What's going on?" She said as the rasp in her voice disappeared. She was upset with me. Shit that makes two of us.
"I'm tired. I can't do this anymore," was all that came out before the tears spilled out for the umpteenth time and I felt my body give in. I collapsed down to the floor and let me emotions reign over me.she rubbed my back gently as she held me.
"Baby. Your fine," I looked at her, shaking my head.
"I'm not fine Solana. Stop acting like you give a damn. NO ONE GIVES A DAMN IF BEYONCÉ IS OKAY!" I let out as I pushed her off of me.
"Clearly I do if I just stopped you from deleting yourself!" She barked back.
"Maybe you shouldn't have. Matter of fact, I've been meaning to get my key from you," I held my hand out and she slapped it in my hands.
"You know what fine. Kill yourself for all I give a damn. I tried to help your crazy ass," she spat as she stormed out the apartment. I chucked the stray key across the room and tried to get myself together.
"Why me,"
"Why can't I just end my suffering now,"

Excuse all errors
A'jah 💋