Falling For Henry Cavill

Temptation

The next morning, I woke up on his bed and was still in his arms. He was lying there with his eyes open and with a big smirk on his face. I smiled back and said good morning and stretched.

"Good morning to you too, sleepy." He replied and then pulled his arm from underneath me and got up.

"I was wondering when you would wake up so I could get up. My head is aching. I need to take some aspiring. He explained as he walked towards the kitchen.

"Are you okay? Do you remember anything about last night?" I asked as I got myself up out of the bed as well and followed him wondering if he remembered saying "I love you" to me.

"Sure, why?" He was filling up a glass with water.

"I just wondered because I have had this experience before, and people do not always remember what they do or say when inebriated." I explained in a voice right above a whisper.

"What kind of experience is this exactly?" He asked right before he drank a sip of water to down an aspirin.

"You know. I mean I had to get you in bed. I had to take off your shoes and socks, and." I trailed off. I did not want to finish because I did not want to tell him what he said if he did not remember. I did not want to bring it up if he did not remember saying it. I wanted him to bring it up.

"And? What else did you do that you believe I was unaware of?" He challenged me and glared at me with a side smile on his face.

"So, you were aware of everything that happened last night?" I challenged back without hesitation.

"Yes, I was. I might have not acted like it, but I assure you I was." He crossed his arms and leaned back on the kitchen counter.

"Alright then, tell me everything that happened and what was said between you and me when we arrived at your apartment." I bit back. He made himself closer to me in silence. When he was in front of me, he held my arms in his hands.

"I might have been using my talents to get you to stay, but I meant it when I said what you and I know I said." He teased me a little while longer.

"Why can't you say it again? I retaliated. He sighed.

"Because you did not say it back/" He stated.

"I did not know you were aware of what you were saying." I scoffed.

"Why would it be any different if someone says they love you while intoxicated, which I was not. Not really anyways. It is the same as what they would have said if they were not. It is how they feel. Does it not matter more since they said it with their defenses down? He crossed his arms.

"I do not think it is. If you need a drink to make you bolder to say to someone you love them then how is that person supposed to feel? And how do you know it is for real?" I pressed the issue.

"Why wouldn't it be? It is that person's feelings and if they do not have the courage to say it but need help to buck up the courage then why not. Otherwise, the person would just never say it." He suggested.

"Do you not see the problem with that statement? If the only way a person can tell someone else that they love them when they are under the influence of alcohol, then what good is it to love that person? I reasoned.

"You were not under the influence, and you did not say it back. Why?" He pointed out.

"I already told you; I want you to be aware of it when I do say it. I wanted you to have all your senses and not be under the control of a depressant that weakens your inhibitions and defenses. It is easy to say, "I love you" when your defenses are down, but it is another thing to say it when you are aware of what you are saying and saying it with the intention of letting that person know how you feel without the help of alcohol." I was getting too passionate. I could feel it and I needed to cool down, so I got myself some water hoping that it would cool down my nerves.

"So, you believe that because I was under the influence of alcohol that my intentions were not genuine." He concluded with finality.

"Well, yes but that was before you told me that you were aware and that you were acting." I defended myself valiantly.

"I did have several drinks last night. Don't drinks affect me?" I heard his playful banter and that put me at ease, so I decided to let my guard down and stop retaliating.

"You know, now that you mention it. You woke up with a headache which means you were drunk last night, too drunk. Drunk enough to wake up with a hangover headache. This means that you will just have to say it again so that I can be sure that you meant it." I smiled and crossed my arms in victory.

"I. Love. You." He narrowed his eyes on me and said it as purposefully and as slowly as if we were in a slow-motion scene of a movie. I looked at him and did the same. Then we kissed tenderly until the kiss grew in purpose and with everything in our souls. We came together as one with only one purpose. One purpose that would eventually take us on a different path. The kiss was not an ordinary one that would end within minutes. It was the kind that said everything you were thinking and feeling. It was innocent and pure but it was also full of a passion that clouded our judgment and so it did. I knew where it was going, and I did not stop it. I knew when he began to carry me where he was headed. I knew that once on his bed that I would submit to that passion that enveloped us and I knew that when he asked if I was sure if I wanted to that, I was sure. What I did not know was how bad I would feel afterwards. Although Henry had been careful, loving and gentle, I felt the need to hide and cease to exist. I was not upset with him, but with myself. I was mad at myself and would not stop crying. He held me and comforted me and asked what was wrong, but I could not tell him that I was regretting it. I could not tell him the pain I was feeling because of what we had just done. I could not believe it. I could not believe that I had let my desire rule my decision. Henry was more attentive than usual. He made it so easy for me to love him and although I felt bad for what I did; I was glad to have him around and to know that I could count on him no matter what. After several days, he realized what was the matter with me and did not push me to do it again. I did thank him for it and asked for some time to myself so that I may learn for myself what I needed to do next. I spoke to my bishop. I confessed and he lovingly guided me through the steps of healing through the atonement of Christ and so with his help I embarked on my repentance journey. I started to read everyday from a book called The Miracle of Forgiveness. I prayed fervently anytime I could throughout the day. I prayed for help, healing, and for him to fogive my transgression. I asked for strength to not let myself be fooled by satan who make me feel like I was nothing and incapable of being clean again. He lied to me on a daily basis and said that I was lost that I could never be what I once was, and that God would not love or accept me anymore. That there was no going back, no redemption. When his lies filled my thoughts, I got on my knees and prayed until I could not hear those thoughts anymore. I felt a fountain o love pour over my mind and heart. For a month, I did this. For a month, I prayed many times throughout the day and read the scriptures and from the book. For months, I went to church with the inability to participate and feeling useless but at the same time feeling his love around me. At the same time while going through all this I felt a change in my body as well. I did not feel the same.