Memories of Dispair (Editing)

Chapter-Get In Touch

Picture of Dad

Next chapter is mom's picture

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My head was pounding so loud, I couldn't even hear myself think or open my own eyelids; I was starting to regret drinking so much and banging girl in the restroom stalls, well to be truthful maybe not the banging part since it release a lot of stress. I opened my eye lids just a little to only see that I'm in Alex room, I got up very slowly feeling the tension of my muscle ache in any place anyone can imagine, but I was trying to figure out how did I get here in the first place.

Rubbing my head I took a look around the room seeing it's same from almost three years ago; the walls has cream skin color that is light, a couple of poster's that resemble 1920 jazz singers, the furniture is raven black, with a desk against the wall along a spinning chair, a bean bag on the floor; Alex always loves having big bean bag seats, the bed is a California queen size (California queen sizes in Los Angeles are bigger than a regular queen and king size bed), with a lovely headboard. After all these years Alex still didn't change his taste of style when it came to trying to mature.

"Alex" I call out while getting out to walk out of his room, although that is when Alex came inside of the room with painkillers and a bottle of water, I eyed them I bit not wanting to take them but knew that will be the only way to calm down a horrible headache "Thanks" I said when Alex gives me the medication.

After swallowing I give Alex the water; still not talking going to make small talk with Alex, I may have been drunk but I knew what I was doing from the start, I may have been born in the night but I sure as fuck wasn't born in yesterday. "I'm sorry I yelled at you Monica, you know I never gone off at anyone like that" Alex said getting closer to me "I'm sorry too Alex" the gave him a hug as tightly as I can.

We stood hugging for a while till we laid back down on the bed together in each other's arms, I trust Alex with everything but I am not ready to open up to what happened when I was out on tour. Alex was caressing my hair smoothly against my blood looking hair that is all over the place, my head is resting his on his chest with my arm over his stomach "I had a boyfriend name Steve-" I blurted out too Alex with a sad tone "-I loved him so much Alex, I wish he was here at times" I bit my bottom lip to not sob, only to feel Alex hugging me closer kissing my head.

My eyes shot open getting up and yanking the lap out of desk, my throat felt soar after screaming in what felt so real but I couldn't tell if this is a dream or I'm reliving this nightmare again. Alex and my dad came to the room once I grabbed the lap swinging it around all over the place "Mony stop!" my dad yells at me, but I couldn't the flashbacks kept hitting my eyes over and over again "Leave him alone." I swung again this time my dad grabbing the lap.

I wouldn't stop kicking and screaming I couldn't tell from dream to reality, my head was just spinning until they had to call the cops which escalate from the cops trying to control the situation to being quickly arrested and going to the hospital to get reevaluate. When the ambulance took me they put a syringe in me to make me go straight to fucking dreamland.

With my eyes opening and closing so often, the lights kept flashing when being stroll into the hospital. I didn't want to get some psychological test on what is my mental state; who the fuck wants that, to get tested by some doctor that has a degree to see how fucked up you are. Continuing to lay in the bed I still felt drugged up, it almost felt the same-smoking weed with Francis; gosh how I wish I didn't tell Francis in such words to 'Fuck off.'

The doctor came after an hour or two for waiting for this dumb nut to show up already "Look I can explain for what happened this morning, I got the bad ca-" but before I can further explain a little white lie the doctor shut me up completely "Ms. Georgiana I'm not going to reevaluate you. I know your suffering PTSD by the way your acting-" my eyes narrow towards the older man doctor; if eyes were daggers man "-I asks everyone in your family to tell me your behavior and it's not going so well. You have become reckless, started to drink, night terrors, flashback, and from what I was hearing while you were in and out of sleep...you went through something while on tour."

My laughter fills the room of just shaking my head at the doctor, knowing that he is wrong about everything he has just mention, of me having PTSD is pissing me off, "I'm leaving, that's final" with a warning tone while rolling my eyes at the doctor, the doctor left the room not saying much after with a sadden expression "I don't need anyone's help" muttering to myself lowly.

I checked myself out of the hospital but had to sneak out the front door to not be confronted by family, I wasn't in the mood to hear their bitchiness at all so I decided to go to a hotel for the night and sleep there for two weeks; I have the money so why not use it after so many year's of saving it. I sat down on the bed looking at the clothes I'm wearing, but then realize that I have work tomorrow and need to get clean up.

Few Hours Later

Applying make-up I made sure to use more of a seductive type of look because I'm already planning too get drunk also laid without any strings attached. I put on my cocktail red dress, that has a open at the back, and shows only a little cleavage but not a lot; wanting to make it have that teasing look to it. I grab my wallet also small purse, a few hours ago I went to store and bought some clothing with some food too.

After getting out of the taxi I look at my phone to see a few miss text messages with miss phone calls, but didn't bother to answer them at all knowing what they are going to say to me. I went inside of the club hearing the music wimp ripe inside of my body as it felt like a luring toxic bite inside that is pulling me towards the dance floor to sway my body around with others. That is what I do right away.

I pant when feeling this hot chick kissing my neck while pinning me to the wall, I groan while biting my lip but then bite her earlobe while pulling away "I'll be right back babe" I whisper seductively then walk out of the bathroom heading to the bar to get another shot but felt a pair of eyes checking me out knowing right away it's a man which puts a smirk straight on my lips.

I order my drink then felt the man wrapping his arms around my stomach while pressing into me "What are you doing here beautiful?" I grab my shot and downed it quickly then turn around to look at him while letting my finger trace his chest then his jaw "Waiting for you to bang me" moving out of his grasp into the women's restroom knowing what to expect for tonight.

I clenched into the mans hair while screaming from release and still panting, once the chick is by my side. We went home together going to the man's place I didn't even know their name's but I couldn't give a shit since I was already on my high, "Fuck babe" I look at the man and pecks his lips while I turn to the women and kiss then lick her bottom lip, but then a smile form to my lips once the girl gets on top of me as we all go at it again with each one of us.

Next Day

I woke in my hotel room after having four rounds of feeling my high and making that guy and chick have their own high too, I saw the time of 1:40 PM as I groan feeling the painful pounding on my head "Ugh" I get up going to the bathroom to get clean up; knowing I smell like alcohol with intercourse too. I take off my clothes letting them slip down my body smoothly; I look at the mirror seeing my own reflection of how reckless I have became but shook the thought's away not wanting to think about all the demons stomping inside of my head non-stop.

I can feel the drips of water sliding down inside of my body as I close my eyes but quickly felt regret when seeing images popping out of nowhere snapping my eyes open I pant then quickly got out of the shower with the color of my skin go white and the back of my hairs standing up. I just was wanting to hurry this up to go to work while keeping myself busy. I grab my phone while calling back my mom, "Sweetie where have you been? We've been trying to look for you" I swallow nodding my head.

"I'm alright mom. Tell everyone that I'm fine, I have a job working at a bar though" mentioning off the bat, so she can know I'm at least doing something "Sweetie you need to come home" desperation filling up her tone with tears "I have to go" then hung up before she got the chance to answer back. I know what I'm doing so I sure as fuck don't need any help from anyone. I walk out the room glancing back one last time then close it with hearing a click.

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I have been stuck for a while, but now I have came with an idea of how to go back to writing so please hang in there my great reader's