Memories of Dispair (Editing)

Chapter-Untold Flashbacks

I got confused a bit with my characters occupants; Alex
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I pull away from the kiss feeling his breathe panting from the session. I glance back to his eyes then closing mines again while I feel his hand rubbing my cheek, "I do love Ernesto, but I want you to help me let go. I can't loose you like Francis. I care about you too." I explains to him-his eyes darting away from me, "I'll help you Monica, but I'm not going to be a second choice. You love the idea of me not actually being with me." I can feel a pang in my chest as he gets up leaving the living room.

I paced around the kitchen trying to comprehend what happen. I walk back outside seeing the clouds starting to gather in the naked night I take out my phone calling Francis. The phone continues to ring going straight to voicemail, "Francis...I'm sorry please I want to talk. Mom and dad doesn't want to talk to me anymore. I just don't think I can do this anymore-." I declare my voice cracking but sniffing my nose, "It's to hard Francis...It-...it's to hard." I hang up wiping the tears from my face.

I went to the closes bar open already on my fifth shot of vodka I don't like the feeling of being this hot-mess, yet I can't stop digging my way back to my memories. Maybe Alex is right; that I do love the idea of him, unfortunately not being with him. I ask the bartender for a couple more shots downing the last three.

After that I can feel myself on the dance floor swaying back and fourth to the 80's feeling of the music whispering in my ear. My stomach was starting to feel nausea's as I stumble to a wooden cheap table then puking all over it; I can hear my heart thumping lowly against my rib-cage and my eyes closing in on me everything starting to turn into a hallow blackness coat over my eyes.

Hearing the sirens also the flashing lights him me like a brick. My mouth was being forcefully open starting to gag when feeling a tube going down gagging then vomiting, "Ple-" I vomit again my eyes fluttering. I black out again hearing people talking in a panicking tone.

***

I been close to death in several occasions not afraid of death anymore, however this time it's different the worst mistake to do is to leave having an argument with someone close or to loose everyone because of feeling sorry for yourself. I have made the mistake of pushing everyone away and breaking myself because of my stupidity-this is my cause no one else. Who do I have the right to blame? Only myself.

No one came visit, and I can't say I blame them Francis and my dad called me but we only talked for an hour or two then it end. I look out the window after being here for three days of bed rest, I refused to talk to my therapist needing some time to think. I wipe my eyes not wanting to cry again, "Mommy?" I hear innocent sweetness voice sharply looking to the right to see a little boy that looks; light brown curly short hair, light brown skin, small sweet dark chocolate eyes, cheekbones that show dimples when he is smiling, a skinny boy, can pass as a five year old, has this smooth voice with a New York City accent.

Seeing his brown curls remain slit back his eyes looking innocent and pure, "What's your name?" I tilt my head pulling off the blanket but when going to move my legs; I can feel the weakness from alcohol poisoning.

"My mommy said never to tell a stranger my name." He crosses his arms giving me a knowingly smile.

I chuckle at his confidences beaming from him, "I'm a marine. I won't hurt you." Taking out both of my dog tag's; one belonging to Ernesto the other to me. The boy smiles widely walking towards me and touching the both of them sincerely; tilting my head and figuring that he might have a love one in the military too.