Memories of Dispair (Editing)

Chapter-Forcefully Escaping

Picture of Dr. James

Monica POV
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The words sprang when Francis left, but I do have to admit that he is right and now I feel myself thinking more clearly than I have ever these past few weeks that been passing by, looking at the small window I see that it's almost night as I can't believe a whole day went by that fast.

I look at the bathroom then got up going inside standing over the white sink that shows my own reflection of how these memories have been despairing piece by piece letting them throw me emotionally overboard. I felt my fist lift in the air then punching the mirror hard pounding it again but with my other fist letting the tears overflow then dropping on the floor seeing my knuckles cut with glass.

Grabbing the toilet paper wrapping it around both of my knuckles only to see Alex stumbling inside of the room then swallowing hard, "What the hell happen?" He helps me up bringing me to the bed grabbing more toilet paper to wrap around my bleeding knuckles.

I didn't say anything for while, although I know I have to. "I want...to-to take control of my life again" looking in Alex eyes giving him a hug that gave me this mental release that felt like my shoulders weren't as heavy as before; I wasn't having these weights pulling me down despairing in my own memories.

Alex hug me back holding me with this need of release I breathe out closing my eyes only to feel him rubbing my back softly, "Your the second person I trust with my life" Alex told me I laugh which sound foreign to my ears the release felt much better, but I know there's still this boiling pot in me that is still crushing me. I just don't know what it is.

We continue to hug each other only to be interrupt by Francis "Can I have a hug too" We both laugh gesturing for him to come and join us while we give each other a group hug tightly; never wanting to let go again.

Two Day's Later

I went into work today, but Francis drop me off telling me that he will pick me up after word still not completely trusting me. I wouldn't blame him as I still don't trust myself etheir

Wiping the counters down it was a pretty slow day for it being a Saturday, but I didn't complain I saw Michelle smirking checking her out from a distance; her blue eyes match, her dirty blonde hair, along her fair skin, tight body, with a great ass and boobs too.

Thoughts came flooding in but I shook them away not wanting to think of them needing a way to release. I notice Michelle looking at me I enter the woman's restroom going inside of a stall feeling someone come inside which cause me to smirk.

I kiss her again then slip back on my clothes pecking her lips stepping out of the stall starting to fix myself. I went back out after in the stall only for fifteen minutes I felt my face red a worry that I might go back to my old habits again.

We continue to work mostly seeing old dirty men drunk and stumbling out of bar with their friends or sons mostly. I do miss serving my country, but since I injured myself it was still hard for me to go back and shoot a gun.

Few Hours Later

I grab my leather jacket and phone heading out the door, but felt Michelle grabbing my wrist "Leaving so soon" she purr in my ear causing me to yank my arm from her grip which I let out a scoff, "I done better" slipping my words out walking out of the door.

Francis is just there in the parking lot waiting for me outside of his 67', Impala, black car, with a hard top, and has a bumper sticker saying 'Back off....Bumper Humper' Francis always love bumper stickers he just doesn't put then on his car. I get inside of the passenger not in the mood to give Francis a hug, "Well someone is in a bad mood" Francis gets in starting the car then driving out of parking lot.

I wasn't in a bad mood I just have this overwhelming need to go out drink and sleep with someone, and this need was driving me crazy because my memories kept flooding in. I turn on the radio hearing Adele singing Hello then raising the volume.

When we got home I got out of the car running a hand through my hair then seeing Francis walking over to me hugging me, "Breathe" he told me which is exactly what I did, but then I felt my eyes rolling back turning pitch black.

*Flashback*

I sat up from the bed wrapping the top part of the blanket around me walking to the window opening the curtains slightly looking outside. I felt two arms around my waist pulling me into his chest I lean my head back closing my eyes, "I can't wait to tell my family" I told Ernesto.

We both laid back on the bed enjoying each other warmth before we have to ship out to our mission in a couple days. Ernesto was brushing my red short hair behind my ear saying, "Your as beautiful as the day I saw you trying to kick my ass at training" I smile using my finger to brush his blonde part of his hair away from his eyes with that he grabs my hand kissing my soft lips feeling electricity running through me.

I press my other hand on his cheek kissing him back passionately until he pulls away taking out an engagement ring where I saw from under the pillow, "Will you ma-" before he can finish I cut him off "Yes!" I yell putting on the ring pecking his lips I can only hear Ernesto laugh kissing my cheek then looking in my eyes I sas his eyes that holds; desire, unconditional love, but warmth too. In that moment I knew he was the guy that I will live with, pull pranks, and love everyday.

But we both knew that we will have to tell our families about each other the only one that knows about us is my mom and his younger cousin that lives at Peru.

I kept looking at the ring not wanting to take my eyes off feeling happiness blossoming from deep inside. I haven't felt this way since the day I found I was going to the Marines, the day I left my family and started my own journey.

*Flashback Ends*

I open my eyes seeing that I'm in the living room with a blanket on top. I take out my phone seeing that it's 2 o'clock am two hours after I blackout.

I got up from the couch hearing chatter from the kitchen, when I got up I saw that it's my mom and dad talking about going out on a romantic date at some nearby lake.

I left going upstairs to my room seeing Francis on my bed taking all of the space "Well don't you look comfortable" I mumble amusingly going back downstairs feeling my phone vibrate taking it out I see it's Alex.

Closing the door softly I answer the phone outside in the front yard. "Hey" I said sitting down on the grass wrapping the blanket I got from the couch around me.

"I know it's late, but how about we go out and take a drive?" I can hear the smile coming from Alex on the other side causing me to chuckle rubbing the back of my neck "Sure, and why are you up so late?" Titling my head to the side curious why he's up so late, "I couldn't sleep, so I called to see if your awake" he answers.

After that I left a note on the couch explaining where I will be, so my family won't freak out thinking I'm completely back to my old ways. Alex manage to pick me up, but I had to sneak out from the bathroom window then go to his car which was down the street from my house.

Alex took off as we just drove in complete silence enjoying the nice wind swaying on my light fair skin. I look over at Alex "Your a great friend to have Alex." Causing him to grin at my words then replied sarcastically, "Thanks, I know I'm awesome." Rolling my eyes I look back at the road.

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