The Light in my Chest [NamJin fanfic]

Chapter Seven: Determination

Namjoon's POV:

It had been over a week now since I last saw Seokjin, he left in a hurry after he kissed my cheek and left me a complete mess. He hadn't been at school over the next couple of days afterward, and I was a little worried. Jungkook, Jimin, and Taehyung had kept to themselves and all looked depressed whilst he wasn't around. I watched the three of them from our table, all three of them in a serious conversation. It was a surprise to everyone when they remained quiet, normally during lunch and break they would be at the loudest table constantly laughing and shouting at one another.

"Hello, guys. How are you two going?" Hoseok asked, as both Minho and Baekhyun took a seat beside Yoongi; who was drifting off to sleep on the table.
"I'm okay thank you Hoseok," Minho replied to him happily.
"I'm pretty stressed at the moment actually," Baekhyun said, sighing as he ruffled his newly dyed hazel brown hair. Violet bags lay underneath his brown eyes, indicating once again he had another sleepless night.
"Are you okay? Do you need any help with schoolwork or anything?" Hoseok asks him full of concern. That's something that makes Hoseok unique, he's always concerned about the well-being of others. He never thinks about himself, he always puts others on top. That's something I admire greatly.
"No, it's okay Hoseok. Thanks for your concern though, I really appreciate it." Baekhyun says gratefully, with a small smile.
"Where's Jackson and Mark?" Minho asks.
"They're in the library studying for science."
"Yeah...' studying'...more like eating each other's faces off," Baekhyun said with a scoff. I glance over toward Seokjin's table.

"Where's Seokjin?" I ask without a thought. The bad feeling still stirring in my stomach, he wouldn't usually miss school for this long. Baekhyun and Minho exchanged a look but look back down as if nothing happened.
"What was that?" I ask them, and they both look up.
"Nothing" they reply in unison.
"You two exchanged looks. Is something up?" I eye them suspiciously, and they both look at me with reluctant looks. Again they look at each other. Baekhyun sighs again, nodding to Minho.
"Taehyung told us that he found Seokjin in the middle of the park in the early hours of the morning a few days ago," Baekhyun says.
"That doesn't really sound like something he'd be doing, that doesn't explain why he hasn't been at school," Hoseok says, unpacking his lunch.
"He was... injured. He was beaten to a pulp" Minho says quietly. We all stay silent.
"What happened to him? Who did it?" Hoseok asks.
"No one knows. Taehyung found him covered in blood and bruised really badly, he didn't even recognize him at first, he thought it was just a random guy until he saw his ID in his wallet."
"Taehyung said he was so scared, Seokjin's nose was broken and it looked like he was dead"
Baekhyun added. I felt my stomach drop, even though it was hypocritical of me to even care. But I would never make a person bleed and leave them to die in the street. I clench my fist, feeling something stir inside me. I look other at Jimin, Jungkook, and Taehyung, still having their heads down and writing on a paper. I look at Taehyung, he was a happy kid almost identical to Hoseok, he must've been absolutely traumatized seeing his elder like that.

"Do they know who did it?" I ask again, they shake their heads.
"No, he refuses to talk to anyone including those three" Baekhyun says tilting his head to Jungkook, Jimin, and Taehyung.
"They're worried about him, he won't eat or speak, he just sits in the bed all day. They don't know what to do."
"He's traumatized" we all turn our heads to see Yoongi, now fully awake and alert, "he's gone through a horrific event-"
"-I'm sorry since when did you care? Didn't you watch Namjoon always hurt him anyway?" Minho said, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. Yoongi glared at him.
"I can have empathy, we never did anything as brutal as that-"
"-and that makes you better now?" Baekhyun argues. Yoongi stays silent, and Hoseok shifts uncomfortably in his seat. He's right, we are no better than whoever did this to Seokjin.

"You guys are known to be bullies, Namjoon you literally have demeaned him and beaten him almost our entire high school life. Yoongi you let him do it and even encouraged it heck I'm pretty sure you actually beat him every now and then. Hoseok as much as you're literally the goddamn sun, you let it happen too even if you didn't physically do anything you still stood there. Sure you never beat him to the point where he had to go to the hospital but you are no better." Minho says, Baekhyung nods his head in agreement. We all remain silent, and the three of us look down. I feel a wave of overwhelming guilt swarm me, and I can tell by the looks on both Yoongi's and Hosoek's faces they must feel the same.

Ever since I found out he was my soulmate I tried to avoid him, I didn't want it to be true. We would never work. I've done terrible things, things to him that he didn't deserve all out of my own pain and frustrations. I was someone I'm not. I don't want to hurt people, but in a very sarcastic and horrid way, I don't want people to be close to me. I need people to fear me so they can't see me for who I really am.

"Seokjin is actually a really nice guy, he's smart and he's actually pretty funny. He doesn't deserve what you do to him, he's a human like we are. He treats everyone with kindness, I mean look at his friends they love him. I hate to say it but Namjoon...I don't really think you deserve him." Minho and Baekhyun looked at me with sad eyes before getting up and walking over to Taehyung's table greeting him with large smiles. I watch as the trio moves their bags to make room for them to sit down.

"We really aren't good people are we?" Hoseok asks eyes a little glassy.
"You are Hoseok, I think we just made a few mistakes and not realised the consequences of it" I say, "if we can change our ways maybe we can make it up to him"
"I don't see how we could make it up to him," Yoongi says.
"Honestly...neither do I" I reply. No matter what happens, I will do everything in my power to make him believe I can change. Kim Seokjin, I will be the soulmate you deserve.