Chapter 1 I'll Hold Another Banquet

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Star: "I'll hold another banquet. And another. I'll hold banquent after banquet. An eternal series of gatherings, forever unchanging. I may be lonely now, but i won't despair. Because everyone is waiting for me on the other side of that promise." words spoken in the long-distant past, lost in the years that followed. The original memory, forgotten by everyone. The original promise.
Akito: i'll see you soon. Soon.

You just said "girl." you mean akito is... a woman? when kureno didn't say anything she held her hand up to her mouth as she gasped.
No, that can't be true, can it? Star asked.
It's true. I'm sure you've realized that the somas have many secrets. That's the biggest of them all. Kureno said making star not understand.
But i don't get it. Akito behaves like a man. Dresses like one. And the way the other's talk, they don't ever treat him like... a girl. I never even guessed. not once. Star said as she thought about it.
It's the way akito was brought up. Raised as male from birth. Someone else chose that for her. Kureno said not looking at star.
Who do you mean? Star asked. She almost caught you that time at the main estate. Kureno said making star gasp as she remembered hearing a woman's voice. The wind blew her and kureno's hair softly.
At the main astate
Akito turned the corner and saw hatori talking to the women she doesn't like talking to the zodiacs. Hatori! What are you doing? Get away! Akito said, pushing hatori away, making him drop his bag. Must I tell you again? Keep your hands off them. Akito shouted. It's fine. I promise. She was just saying hello to me, nothing more. Hatori said as he stared at akito. Exactly. I was simply greeting dear hatori, here. Is that so terribly wrong? Ren said. It's never a simple greeting with you. You're always leering at the zodiac men. I don't know why you're here in the first place. Go back to your room where you belong! Akito said as he glared at ren.
Kureno: she's sequestered. Rarely leaves her quarters.
Back to star and kureno
A troubled woman, both mentally and physically. But even so, she continues to haunt akito's mind. Ren soma. Akito's mother. It was her doing. She's the one who decided to raise her daughter as male. I don't know much. Neither akito nor ren will speak of it. The only thing i can say for certain is... those two hate each other. Bitterly. According to ren, the ties that bind akito and the zodiac are wrong. She says they're unnatural. That they're twisted and false. And the connection isn't real. So, she constantly clashes with akito, who clings to our bonds. That day... the morning after ren conceived akito... i woke up in tears. So did shigure, hatori, and ayame. We eldest are the only members who know the truth. That akito is female. Apparently, ritsu was too young to sense what had happened clearly. But we four all had the same dream. Akito appeared, the god we'd not yet met, and gave us a message. "I'll see you soon." we ran straight to ren, who had no idea she was carrying a child. Tears on our faces, we just kept saying... "we've been waiting for you." it was so strange. This feeling i didn't recognize welled up from deep within my heart, and i sensed a me that wasn't me, shouting. It was... the zodiac spirit. Another self. One living inside me– in my veins. At the first sign of a new ego forming, the zodiac blood begins to hound us, compelling our loyalty. Kureno said while star stared at him with tears in her eyes. She then remembered what rin said to her about a vow.
Isuzu: they swore a solemn vow. No matter how many times they're reborn, they will return to god's side and never leave.
When my curse broke, i could finally see the truth. The bond that connected us wasn't a natural one. It's just like ren said. But... at the same time, i could see something else. A little girl... crying. She's still the sobbing child i can't abandon. Even now. And i can't see arisa while there's another i've sworn to remain beside. Star held the cd as she head was lowed casting a shadow over her eyes. As she cried softly. I'm sorry. That's a lot and difficult to hear.
I guess... i hoped telling you would help you understand something. The same akito who wounds others so easily is herself deeply wounded. Maybe now... you see why i can't leave. Even is part of me wants to. Kureno says as he stared at star who hadn't said a word. She still hasn't looked up at kureno as her tears fell.
I... i should say something. I know i should... find the right words. *clench her coat with her hand* but i can't. None will come out. Speak damnit! Kureno touched both sides of star's face snapping her out of her thoughts.
I'm sorry. Star looked up at kureno. All i ever do is hurt other people. star tears continued to fall as she stared at kureno. But even so, this is the path i chose. My choice. My will. No one else's. Kureno smiled at star as he spoke, making her cry even more. I'm sorry. And thank you... for everything. Kureno said then walked away. Star stood there still crying then dropped the cd watching kureno walk away.
I'm... frozen. The wind blew hard, pushing star's scarf off her shoulders and flying away.
It's all... frozen. Star fell to her knees as she screamed, cried and hit the ground repeatedly.
A chain, a spiral of sorrows. Rin watched star cry with anger in her eyes. Then she looked off to where kureno went.
And everything's frozen. Star had stopped crying as she stared at the ground in a daze. The street lights came on but she hadn't moved from her spot. Star heard footsteps and she turned her head and saw hana and her brother making her gasp.
Here i am to save the day. Da-da-da-da. Hana said. Star stared at her then her eyes watered as she frowned. She clung to hana hugging her legs as she patted star's head helping her up.
Yuki and hana's phone conversation
Yuki: uh. What do you mean?
Hana: just what i said: star is in my custody. She'll be mine all night.
Yuki: um, hanajima, your phrasing there is a little sketchy.
Hana: is that doubt i hear? You dare object to my impromptu nightgown festival?
Yuki: pretty sure the term you're looking for is "pajama party." no. i have no objections at all.
Hana: excellent. Then i bid you goodnight. *phone clicks*
Uh. it's not a problem, but is a little strange. Could something have happened to miss Takashi? Who was that you were just talking to? Shigure asked yuki. It was hanajima. Miss takashi is staying the night over there, apparently. Yuki said as shigure blinked. Oh. shiugre said. I guess we'll be doing takeout for dinner. Yuki said, walking past shigure. My goodness. Was she really that shocked? If she doesn't bounce back quickly, saki might be quite angry with me. There's a terrifying thought. Heh. or, hey. Instead of ordering out, maybe i could try cooking. Yuki said, making shigure gasp snapping out of his thoughts. Wait what? Shigure asked going to the kitchen. Do we have a cookbook around here somewhere? Yuki asked, looking around. Shigure put his hand on yuki's shoulder, stopping him. No, don't. Please. I'm scared. Shigure said in a whimper. It's okay. I just lacked the proper motivation before, i think. Yuki said. And the skill! Shigure said.
At hana's house
Saki-chan, saki-chan! Do you know if star-chan has eaten dinner yet? I can make something if you tell me what she likes. Hana's mother said with a smile. She enjoys shark fin. Hana says with a straight face. You're only saying that because it's what you want, aren't you? That's not very nice, saki-chan! Especially since you just ate. Hana's mother scolded her. I asked, mom. She says no dinner. But i was thinking, maybe hot tea? Hana's brother said walking in. uh! You're absolutely right! How rude of me! I'll go brew some right up. Hana's mother said walking to the kitchen. Megumi. Hana's brother looked at her. Go on. You know what to do. Hana says.
I've got it. Megumi says. Star sat in hana's room with her head hung low. Here we are. I've brought tea. Star looked up at hana who was smiling with the tray of tea in her hand. Oh. great. thanks. Star said. Be careful, it's hot. Hana said, placing the tea cup in front of her. Yeah. of course. So, um. Hana-chan? How did you know i was there? Star asked, genuinely confused as to how she knew. You were crying. Star blinked as she stared at hana with shock. You were crying so loudly, it drew me like a shout. But in a voice only i can hear. Something truly sad happened, didn't it? Hana asked as star stared at her then looked down. I, uh... it's just... star clenched her hands. Hanajima, i'm... i'm so confused.

kureno:Unlike the others, my curse

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kureno:Unlike the others, my curse... has broken. It happened years ago. I was slightly younger than you.
Star put her hand over her mouth.
Star: You just said "girl." you mean akito is...
Kureno: Ren soma. Akito's mother.
Star's eyes were wide open as she recalled and process everything kureno told her.
Kureno: i won't see her again. I'll stay where i belong.
Star then covered her eyes with her hands. I... i was right. It turns out... uo-chan's kureno... is kureno soma. I wanted him to go see her so badly. I asked him to, but... he said he can't. He told me it's because there's someone he has to stay with. Someone who needs him. He's a kind man. A caring man.

He isn't doing this for his own sake

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He isn't doing this for his own sake. He's putting someone else's feelings before his own. Star took her hands away from her face as she stared at them. And i... I couldn't say a damn thing. So many freaking people have helped me so many times. But then, when it was my turn, I couldn't do anything. Why am I so useless? Uotani. And kureno. Star finished ranting with her eyes closed and her head hung low.
Star. she gasped, opening her eyes wide. Putting other people's feelings ahead of your own... star looked up at Hana but she was turned away from her.
That's something you do all the time. I worry about what doing that will do to you. Star's pupils shook as tears came to her eyes.
The thing is, if you keep taking on people's feelings, bearing their burdens, the weight will grow and grow and grow. Kyo had crossed the street then saw star's scarf in the middle of the intersection.
Until one day, I fear that it will crush you. star stared at her while listening to her speech.
Kyo stared at the scarf as a car ran it over making dirty.
Star: Kyo! Hey, look at this! What do you think of this new scarf I bought? It even has pom poms! Kyo remember the memory as he stared at the scarf in the road.
Buried benath other people's pain,

I worry you'd lose what makes you you, and your smile would disappear

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I worry you'd lose what makes you you, and your smile would disappear. If it did... if that happened...
Another car ran over the scarf and kyo chased after it grabbing it and taking it home with him.

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