✅ A Dose of Humiliation

47. Confessions

"Truth or dare?" They were the words I should have expected, being the main part of the game. But as I wobbled from excited to nervous and back again, wondering about how it would feel to play this game, I hadn't once considered which answer I would give when I was the one on the spot.

"Umm..." I mumbled. I thought that doing a dare might be kind of fun. Something to be embarrassed about that was just a part of the game, bounded by rules that we all knew. That would be something of a relief after keeping my secret for the last few weeks. And for once, I would be getting carried away with something that didn't have the potential to ruin my life. But then I thought about what Serena had done, as if it was a totally normal thing, and I wondered what else she might come up with. There might be things that I would have a breakdown over, while it was no big deal for her. "Truth!"

"Okay then. Are there any boys you've fantasised about getting your hands on? Whose body do you dream about?"

"I... uhh..." I answered, my mind racing as I tried to think of something approaching an answer. I was sure that at least some of my friends could answer the question easily, but it wasn't so easy for me. When I woke up hot and bothered from a racy dream, there was no image of a real person in my mind. I might have been able to recall some details about the things that happened in those dreams, but my imagination always ran away with what was happening, and what they were doing to me, more than who it was.

"You can't ask that!" Lance said, but he was laughing. "That's not something you ask a girl in front of her boyfriend. Like, what's she going to say that won't land her in hot water later? And even if she says something sweet and romantic, we know that's something she'd have to say whether it's true or not." Eventually, his voice trailed off as he realised that everyone was laughing and he seemed to be the only one not in on the joke.

"You're the only boyfriend here, hon," Nikki eventually told him. "Those two aren't dating yet."

"Yeah, Clint's our friend, not a..." I started, and then realised what she'd said, and found myself overcome by blushing. I was sure that if I was paler, my face would have been glowing like a cherry now. But even if the embarrassment wasn't visible on my face, the faltering speech would have let everyone know exactly what was going through my mind. I needed to do something to quash the embarrassment, but I didn't have a clue what I could say.

"I think with Lorna's current situation," Clint managed to find his tongue before I did. "I think she might not be thinking about relationships right now. It's not something to dive into when you can't trust your own judgement, right?"

"Exactly," I said, and that was a little better. I didn't need to address Nikki's "yet"; as long as this Punishment Pill was affecting my mind, I couldn't trust myself to make that kind of decision. And that was good; because I knew Clint would be hurt if I said I didn't think of him like that, just like it would be super awkward to say that the thought had crossed my mind. Everybody could believe what they wanted to believe, and I didn't have to say anything yet.

"But that wasn't the question," Serena said with a little smile. "But I think you gave us a big truth anyway. I don't know if that makes it your turn. But I asked... well, let's make it a little simpler. Who are you thinking about when you masturbate? Someone from school, or a celebrity, or whatever. Nothing to do with relationships, just pure lust."

"I think she's answered enough," Nikki said, obviously feeling a little guilty for putting me on the spot. But she was a lone voice; everybody else wanted me to answer Serena's question. I was sure none of them would if they thought I was genuinely uncomfortable, but they also knew that the whole point of this game was to be embarrassing, and they didn't want to give me a pass so early. I could respect that; I was sure that it would be fun to see some of my friends in the same situation later.