✅ A Dose of Humiliation

31. Turning a Corner

Author's Note: Only just got this chapter finished on time because I spent most of the day trying to get logged in on a new laptop. So I hope no errors have crept in with my haste; and I hope someone will let me know if there's a problem. Enjoy!

I did my best. That was about all I could say when it came to following the new rules. I told my friends that I would be getting more booster shots, a day at a time, if I stayed over somewhere without Mum's permission, or if I missed a class, or if I missed homework or drank at inappropriate times. And right away, they offered to cover for me. That was the hard part; knowing that my friends still trusted my judgement.

"No," I said, and shook my head. "Those are bad habits. I've already done stupid things that are making me lose track of who I am. I'm hoping that it's possible to fight back against the brain altering thing. Stamp down hard on these new habits with punishment, kind of like how the system was intended to work. We think that the booster shots can interrupt the habit-forming effects on my brain. So if I do something that isn't like me, I get a shot to stop that habit."

"You're going to be facing your punishment for months!" Elspeth said. "I thought this was cruel to start with, but I hate that they're still doing this to you after they know the truth."

"At leaft she can hide it," Marcie added. It was good to see her try speaking again; every time she got a booster with the speech-impediment one, it was like she had to relearn how to control her tongue.

"Trust me, it's embarrassing, and I hate it. But it's better than losing the thing that make me me. And this was my idea. These drugs have been designed by geniuses to discourage bad behaviour. But if we use it to punish me for acting out of character, at least I'll know who I am. And you guys know me better than anyone, right? You know what I would have been appalled to find myself doing. It's different if it's to help somebody, but skipping class for no reason is a habit I really need to break. That's why I'm asking you to help me. I need you all to keep an eye on me, and to make me realise when I'm crossing the line. And to make sure I get those boosters when I need them."

"So help you be you?"

"Pretty much. Dad's contacted the teachers and given them authorisation to give me a booster for missing class, apparently that's a thing they can do. But instead of just giving them that authority, I'd rather they check with my friends first. It's a more complicated situation, I guess. I hope they'll all understand that."

"Can't your parents do it when you get home? If they check with the school, I mean."

"Might be time sensitive. If we're understanding this right, the booster will make it harder for habits to stick for anything I did in the last couple of hours. So this isn't a punishment, really. It's making it easier for me to break those habits in a limited situation."

My friends agreed, some of them reluctantly, that they would try to remind me if I was acting out of character. That reassured me a little. And then I had to tell the teachers; although that could wait until Monday morning. The weekend gave the school administrators time to process the request from my parents, and to put a symbol next to my name in the attendance books for all of my classes. The conversations would be nerve-wracking, but I knew roughly what I needed to say, and my friends were there to support me.

"Lorna?" Mrs Matthews raised an eyebrow. "I've received a notice from your parents, saying that you have had some attendance issues. I'm surprised, I think last week is the only time we've had a problem. Would I be right in thinking that your parents are overreacting a little?"

"Yes," I said, and hesitated a little. "And no. They gave me the Punishment Pill because of something else, it wasn't about attendance. But the options they chose have some side effects, and impacting my time management is one of them. And those problems are almost guaranteed to snowball."