Paint Me (GXG) ✒️

23

I wasn't someone who would let things affect me to the extent that it became way obvious to everyone around, but I couldn't help how I reacted. I had found it difficult to move from Inoma's bed and had lost appetite. I had tried to get up and attend classes, but whenever I tried to get up, my body didn't find the strength to move. It was like I had fallen into some kind of hole, and couldn't drag myself out. I could neither eat, talk, or doing anything; I only wanted to lay in bed all day and talk to no one. It was only on some nights that I got out of bed around two or three in the morning, had a quick shower and brushed my mouth.

Inoma had tried to get words out of me, but I couldn't find the strength to reply her. Christopher had tried also, texting me, calling me, and even tried to get Inoma to give me the phone so he could talk to me. But I didn't have the strength. Inoma brought food for me every day, even though I never touched them. She didn't stop trying.

It had been about a week since the incident, and a week since I had done anything at all. Inoma sat gently on her bed, causing it to sink a bit. I curled myself in as I pulled the blanket Inoma had used to wrap me the night before. I didn't know what the time was, but with the way the atmosphere had become dark and gloomy -like how I felt within- I sensed it was evening time, and suddenly I felt the deep need for a long overdue stroll. I suddenly sat up, causing Inoma to turning to me with serious concern in her eyes. Her eyes were wide as she stared at me up down, making me super conscious about myself and my presence. I didn't say anything to her as I stood up, ignoring the way my roommates were staring at me and how the room had gotten quite. I had heard one of them ask Inoma if I had been served 'breakfast'. Inoma had replied with an awkward chuckle, and no words. I felt bad I hadn't told her what had happened, but I also couldn't bring myself to talk about it. When I had to forcefully relive everything, starting with the reassuring kiss we had shared before everything shattered. I had slipped on my black joggers and hoodie, using the hoodie cap to cover my face so I wouldn't be able to see the faces of my other roommates and them mine. I bent to whisper to Inoma that I was going to tell her everything when I returned, that all I needed was a stroll. She nodded with a smile when I stood up to look at her, giving me the reassurance I needed. With that, I picked my phone and purse and stepped out. My roommates didn't even wait for me to close door finish before one of them said, "Shey the man whey serve Celia breakfast get sense like this? Celia be spec."

"Nah wetin I talk too," another replied.

"Nah him go suffer Las Las, she go soon reconnect, find greener pastures."

I knew they had meant well, but them talking like that only made matters worse. I didn't want to never see Fareedah again and reconnect. I didn't think I was capable of reconnecting with someone else. I felt my heart beat in so much frustration that, I wanted to return to the room and curl back under the blanket. But I had already stepped out, I might as well have completed it. I sank my hands deep into the pocket of my hoodie as I began walking, trying to clear my head. I had been blasting electronic music in my ear, trying to focus on the lyrics and nothing else, but then a lot of the lyrics spoke about feelings and that wasn't helping.

It was a Friday evening, everywhere was bustling with different cars, students ready to head out for the night to have a fun Friday to Saturday crossover. A lot of them looked breath-taking in their risque dresses, pretty makeup and beautiful hair. I smiled a bit to myself when I saw a classmate or mine heartily chatting with her group of friends as they made their ways to their ordered ride. Their happiness rubbed off on me for a bit.

I had neither a destination or purpose, all I knew was that I was taking a stroll, and due to that, I found myself as Fareedah's faculty. The sky had become really dark, which made it feel like night already. By the time I found out I was in Fareedah's faculty, I was already staring at her. She had her hair in a messy bun, and had on grey sweatshirt and pants. She looked extremely tired and worn out, and it was honestly a first for her. I had never seen her so worn out, it showed so evidently on her and changed her ambience. I felt my heart ache as I stared at her, watching her pick up her phone every now and then like she was waiting for something, but then sighing and dropping it back down. Sitting down there, I came to the conclusion that, Fareedah's happiness was really all that mattered to me. I wanted to be in her life so bad, but when she was simply alone and looked better than she did at that moment, I preferred that. It preferred she kept me far off, while she had herself and her sanity. I increased the volume of the music playing through my earbuds, hoping to shut of the thoughts.