Friendshipidity (Chase #3)

Prologue

Dear Sien,

I am writing this letter because I want to break up with you. Pero wait! Feel ko nakakunot na noo mo ngayon pa lang, e! Hindi sa meron tayong intimate relationship ha! I'm referring to the one kind of relationship that we obviously have: Friendship.

Alam kong nakakunot pa rin ang noo mo 'til now. So I'm going to make it clearer for you with a bunch of WHYs.

Why? Because... shit, ang hirap din pa lang aminin kahit pa-letter na! Pero eto na nga. Sien, I love like you. Not just as a friend, but really really more than that. Hindi ko alam kung kailan nagsimula at kung paano. Basta na lang nangyari! Pero maniwala ka sa'kin when I say that I tried to counter my feelings. Pramis!

Why (pt. 2)? 'Di ko na kasi kaya. Seeing you falling for other girls? Bes, masakit! But it wasn't actually the issue. The real issue here is me. Halos lahat na yata ng babae ay nagugustuhan mo, except sa akin! Nung una gets ko naman. Pero hanggang sa umabot na sa punto na pati sarili kong pagkatao ay jinajudge ko na... kinukwestyon ko na. Naging conscious ako sa sarili ko! Tinanong ko kung ano bang kulang sa'kin at hindi mo ako makita.

Sien, I've come to the point where your opinions and views about me mattered the most. I was changing myself because of you... at first I was trying to convince myself that it's for me, too, that I'd also benefit more from it. But then, no. Ginawa ko lang basehan iyong mga gusto mo para maging ganon din. Kasi naisip ko, why not? If you're going to like me because of that then what the hell, right? And that's unhealthy!

I poisoned myself.

Why (pt. 3)? Because I needed saving.

I'll say this one time: I'm sorry... for putting our friendship to an end for my benefit. Alam kong ang selfish ng gagawin ko, but I needed to love myself, too. And this is the only way I know how. I loved you for too long, and every second of loving you meant hurting myself. I need to stop the pain. Kahit sa mababaw na paraan, gagawin ko na! But know this!!! Magc-college na naman, e. Hindi na tayo magkikita so... I don't know, clean slate?

Please know that this is hard for me too. I valued our friendship so much that I didn't risk confessing. Buti na lang hindi ko ginawa kasi alam kong mas madudurog ako, at alam kong hihindian mo ako in the nicest way possible and after that magbabago ang pakikitungo natin sa isa't isa hanggang sa lumayo na ang mga loob natin. But what the hell? Doon rin pala mauuwi ang friendship natin.

Bye, Sien.

PS: we don't have to talk in every reunion/party. And if people ask why, just ignore them.