[Without you] /Lippa/

Funeral and Shoes

After they got home from the hospital, Phillipa immediately went to the bedroom and laid down. She was very exhausted, her head was still spinning and her bones and muscles were still in pain. Lin told her that she should just text him, if she needs anything. He didn't want to stress her and give her some rest, since so much happened on this day. It was truly a miracle that Pippa only had barely any injuries.

It was already afternoon and Lin was downstairs, sitting on the couch and read a book, while Sebastian was playing on the floor with his trains. As he suddenly heard a scream coming from upstairs. He immediately jumped up from the couch and ran upstairs, as fast as he was able to. He went into their bedroom without knocking just to see Pippa, who was sitting in their bed and held her phone in her hands, while tears streamed down her face. "Oh my god, Pips. What happened?" He asked, as he walked towards the bed, got into it and hugged her calming. Pippa's eyes were already red from all the crying and she was shivering. She wasn't able to speak in this moment, so she separated herself from the hug and showed Lin the article, which was opened on her phone. At first Lin was confused what this was about, until he read the title of the article.

American Actor Steven Pasquale died in tragic car accident this morning

"He- He was-" Pippa stuttered while tears were streaming down her face. She couldn't process the fact that Steven was the guy who crashed into her and Renée this morning. This couldn't be true. She couldn't believe that he actually died this morning. A weird feeling of guilt was rising in Pippa. Even though their relationship didn't end the best way, Pippa didn't have a heart of stone and so she felt guilty for it. She felt like she was somehow responsible for all of this and without her, he would've been still alive. "Sh, I know, I know." Lin whispered calmly. "It- it's my-" She cried again, before she was able to finish the sentence. "It's my fault." But Lin immediately shook his head in denial. "No Pips." He looked directly into her eyes. "Never say this again. It's not yours or Renées fault. You didn't do anything wrong, so never think like that again alright? He was the one who crashed into you, not the other way around." Phillipa nodded slightly in response, before she felt a really strong kick against her stomach. "Ouch, there's someone awake." She said while she put one hand on her stomach again. Lin placed his hand on hers and looked at her again. "Don't forget to focus on you, Pips. I know it's going to be a while, until you process that Steven is gone, but your health is more important right now." Pippa nodded in response, knowing that Lin was completely right. It was a short silence in the room, nobody dared to speak for a moment, until Phillipa thought about Steven again. "I want to go to his funeral." She stated, but Lin looked at her a bit worried. "You think that's a good idea?" He asked critical, but Pippa nodded immediately. "I need this closure, Lin. Otherwise I'd feel guilty for the rest or my life. I need to be there." "Alright, we'll go together." He agreed.

5th April (my birthday lmao)

A week later the funeral was set and Pippa got herself dressed in their bedroom, as she suddenly felt a bit dizzy. Lin, who was also in the room, noticed this immediately and got worried again. "Pips, are you fine?" He asked. "Yeah, I'm good. Just a bit dizzy, but I'll be fine." She said, before she turned around to him. Phillipa wore a beautiful black dress and her now big belly was sticking out clearly. "If you're not feeling well, you don't have to go, Pippa." He said then, as he walked towards her. "I already told you, I'll be fine." She explained him, before she felt an another kick against her stomach, which made her feel even more uncomfortable. "I'm going to be fine, Lin. Don't worry." She assured him and had a fake smile on her face. Lin didn't believe her truly, but he accepted, that he couldn't change her mind.

Sebastian would stay at home with Lin's parents, while they were going to the funeral. After a twenty minute drive, they arrived at the place where the funeral would take place. Pippa and Lin always focused on staying in the background throughout the whole ceremony. Even though Phillipa knew many of Steven's relatives, which were present, she didn't talk to any of them.

The Ceremony ended at the grave of Steven, where his ashes was just buried. Pippa noticed that Steven's mother cried, just like his sisters and even his father. She felt extremely guilty in this moment. Lin noticed that Pippa was overthinking the situation again, so he wrapped his right arm around her waist and pulled her a bit closer to him. "It's alright." He whispered to her, while tears were running down her face.

As the ceremony was finished, they both wanted to leave, but they were stopped to do so, because Pippa saw that Steven's sister, Louise was walking towards her and Lin. "What are you doing here?" She asked Pippa more angry than sad. "Excuse me? You're seriously asking what Pippa's doing-" but Lin who just wanted to defend Pippa got shut down. "Nobody asked you." Louise said and Lin got even more angry but Pippa spoke before Lin had the chance to yell at Louise.

"I've got the same right to be here, as you. So I don't know why you're questioning that, since I knew Steven for years and even though we didn't end things the best way-" "Oh you can say that. Don't act, as if it wasn't your fault that this happened." These words were hitting Pippa on a different level, since throughout the past days she blamed herself mostly for the accident. And hearing this now from Steven's family members, made it very believable. "If you didn't cheat and left him a few months ago, we would've been still alive." And with those words, Louise went away and left Pippa and Lin alone.

"Don't listen to her, Pips. She's just sad and that's her way to grief." But Phillipa didn't really listen to what Lin said. She just knew that Louise was right about what she said and that it was her fault to some Level. "Can we go home? I need to lie down." Phillipa explained, while rubbing her belly and Lin nodded in response.

They finally got home after a twenty minute drive and Pippa immediately went upstairs, changed clothes and layed herself down. As she was finally laying in her bed she began to sob softly, since she didn't want Lin to hear her. This whole situation was still not completely processed by her and it'd take a while until she processed it. She definitely didn't want to see anyone else around her for a while.

Throughout the next week, Pippa and Lin got visited by Renée and Jasmine a lot, who always came to check on Pippa. Renée was also struggling with the thought of Steven's death. She always tried to tell herself that it wasn't her faul, but at the same time she thought about that she could've prevent it. It were difficult times for everyone.

Meanwhile Jasmine and Lin tried to distract Renée and Pippa from all of this mess, by doing the final preparations for the twins. Since the due date came closer each day, they tried to put their whole focus on that. "Look what found at the store and couldn't stop myself from buying." Jasmine said proudly, as her and Pippa sat on the couch together. "You don't have to buy something for the babies every week, Jazzy." Pippa chuckled. Throughout the last weeks, Jasmine was in a complete baby fever and bought so many toys and clothes for her future nieces. "I know, but they're too cute. Look at them!" She exclaimed, as she pulled out two pairs of tiny yellow shoes with elephants on them. "Thank you, Jasmine. They're really sweet." Phillipa said thankfully and took the shoes. That was the moment when she felt suddenly really uncomfortable in her stomach. Jasmine noticed that. "Pips, what's wrong? Should I get Lin?" She asked immediately nervous but Pippa shook her head. "It's fine, just braxton hicks contractions. Nothing serious." Pippa exclaimed with a weak smile and Jasmine nodded.

"What about you and Anthony?" Pippa asked then, while she was rubbing her stomach. "What about us?" "Do you two want children?" She asked. "Oh, I don't know. Maybe? We haven't talked about it yet, but we're also not as fast as you and Lin are." Jasmine stated laughing and Pippa also chuckled.

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It's been a moment since I last updated and I apologise :) just enjoyed my summer the most as I could. Also next chapter will probably be the final chapter so stay tuned!