Destiny

Part 21

Turning the water off, Lindsey stepped out of the shower and reached for the towel. After he'd dried himself off, he grabbed the clean set of clothes he had brought with him into the bathroom. He stopped to look in the mirror before walking out and wondered for a second if he should shave as well while he had the opportunity to do it in no rush. It didn't bother him and he knew that Stevie liked it, so he decided not to after all. 

Lindsey could hear his son babbling as he was walking down the stairs and he smiled to himself. He found Will waving his little arms around while Stevie sat with together with him on the floor, her full attention on the boy as if he was telling her the most captivating story ever. 

"Thanks for watching him." Lindsey spoke up walking into the room. "I feel like a human again."

"No worries, Linds." Stevie smiled as she glanced at him going to take a seat. "Is there anything else I can help you with?"

"You can come here-" Lindsey patted the empty space beside him on the couch. "And tell me, how you actually are doing."

Since Stevie arrived, they were mostly engaged in small talk. She was trying to avoid any serious topics and Lindsey knew that. Stevie paid more attention to Will than him and for a brief moment Lindsey wondered why she bothered coming at all. When he brought up her stay at Michael's sister's, Will conveniently drooled all over Lindsey's T-shirt, while chewing on a toy, and Stevie suggested that he should go clean up, shower if he wanted to, while she was there to look after his son. 

"I don't want you to think that I came here to complain." Stevie said, sitting down next to Lindsey.

"I don't think that." Lindsey shook his head, stretching his arm out along the back of the couch. "You were upset and I care when you're upset."

"I'm okay now." Stevie shrugged, picking at a loose thread on her sweater. "I probably made a much bigger deal out of it than it was."

"Oh, and you never do that!" Lindsey teased and she slapped his thigh, laughing lightly. "Did you tell Michael, how you felt there?"

"No." Stevie scoffed. "He wouldn't have understood. He said, he had a great time, when we got home and that we should visit more often." She sighed, hugging her knees to her chest. "He's not the kind of man, who talks about feelings and emotions. Except for when we almost broke up." Stevie added. 

"Well, neither was I for the longest time." 

"Right and how were things between us during that time?" Stevie questioned, not expecting an answer. "The wedding is in less than a month and I just... I don't know if I'm doing the right thing."

Lindsey kept his mouth shut. He wanted to tell her that she was absolutely doing the wrong thing by marrying Michael, but he had made her a promise. There had to be a reason why she had stayed with the man for so long, why she accepted his ring, when he proposed. Lindsey had to put his own feelings aside. 

"Do you have to go home soon?" Lindsey asked, picking Will up off the floor a while later. 

"No." Stevie shook her head. "I told Michael that I was going over to Sharon's and he shouldn't expect me home early. Or at all. I said, I needed some girl time."

"Did you at least inform Sharon that she's your alibi this time?" Lindsey teased and saw her roll her eyes.

"Yes, I've learned my lesson." Stevie nodded.

"Well, good. It's bedtime for Will, but I'd like it if you stayed, while I put him down for the night." Lindsey said, trying not to sound too hopeful.

"Of course." Stevie didn't need a lot of convincing. "Maybe I can help with that too." She smiled as she followed him out of the room.

Shortly, Stevie and Lindsey were alone. He offered her a glass of wine, which she gladly accepted. Even though he didn't drink anymore at all, he still kept a small selection for his guests. 

"I'm not coming to the wedding, Stevie." Lindsey finally came out with it as he reached for the bottle to refill her glass. 

"I know." Stevie didn't expect him to give her a different answer. 

"It's just..." He paused, chewing on the inside of his cheek. "I don't want to watch you promising eternal love to someone else. I can't." 

"Lindsey, I know." She emphasized, hoping he would drop it. "It's okay. I mean, I would have loved having you there, but I get it."

"I don't think, I would be able to keep myself from doing something stupid, you know?" Lindsey faced her, a weak smile on his lips. "I'd probably stand up in the middle of the ceremony and ask you not to marry him and that would be embarrassing."

"And I would probably end up running out of my own wedding." Stevie looked at Lindsey over the rim of her glass. 

It was absolutely absurd having that kind of a conversation, especially when Stevie sat with her back against the armrest and her feet in Lindsey's lap as he gently massaged them, a little more than three weeks away from her wedding with another man. 

"Do you think, there are other people, who have this type of a relationship?" Lindsey wondered aloud. 

"I don't think there are too many, but..." Stevie shrugged, her eyes on him. "You can't help how you feel about someone."

"And how do you feel about me exactly?" Lindsey realized that he was once again close to stepping over the line.

"Right now or in general?" Stevie asked him to clarify, cocking her head to one side.

Lindsey gulped, his gaze shifted to her neck. "R-right now." 

Stevie inhaled deeply and sat up to put away her wine. They were much closer to each other now and she ran her tongue over her bottom lip before she spoke up. Lindsey had to look away. 

"Right now, I love you because you're taking care of me. Because you're concerned about my feelings and about what I'm going through." She placed her hand over his when it moved away from her foot and slightly higher up her leg. "But I also feel bad about you having to do this because I know that I'm hurting you. And I don't want to hurt you any more than I already have."

"I'd feel worse if you weren't here." Lindsey pulled his hand from under hers and laced their fingers together. "It's better to have a little bit of you that nothing at all." He brought his other hand up and pressed his palm against the side of her face. They stayed silent for a moment, just staring at each other, not moving, until... "Will you push me away if I kiss you?" He asked the same question she had not that long ago.