"Quinn?" I sounded unsure of myself as I wondered into his room that night, despite knowing I'd find him here.
"Ivy?" He sprung up from his bed, tossing his book to the side, "you came."
He had been lying on his bed, in a plain t-shirt in shorts with his hair dishevelled like he'd just came out of the shower or back from a run. Sometimes, when I looked at him, I found it hard to breathe. I used to think that was because my whole body was too focused on hating him to even circulate oxygen around. But seeing him now before me, I knew it was because I'm in love with him.
"I did."
"How did today go?"
"I got a B in English!"
"No way, that's amazing!"
"It was all your tutoring."
"Nah, you're a natural," he smiled, sitting back down, and gesturing for me to join him.
"Truth or truth?" I decided to waste no time in getting to the point.
"You like this game now?"
"Only when it's us playing."
"Truth."
"Did you love Rebecca?"
"Ivy-"
"I just need to know."
"Never."
"Okay, truth or truth?"
"Truth."
"Was she your girlfriend at the time we kissed?"
"Honestly," he lay down, looking up to the ceiling, "I don't even know. We got together in the middle of my first year at uni, we never really made it official. Never said it out loud anyway. I saw her a few times over the summer when I went down to visit. Then, I saw her maybe three or four times in the past year, she was still at uni obviously while I was taking the year out. Stupidly, I felt like seeing her the odd time helped me stay in contact with everyone down there. Guys don't keep in touch the same way girls do, not the ones I met down there anyway. I subconsciously used her, I think. It was dumb and selfish of me. And I shouldn't even be making any excuses for it."
"When did you stop texting her?"
"Probably after your birthday."
"Why?"
"You drank in never have I ever when someone asked if we've ever liked someone in the circle. My head knew it was Sean since you were seeing him last summer. But my heart wanted to think it was me. I never texting Rebecca back after that night."
I thought back to that night and how we were all shocked when Quinn lifted his drink. How I thought it was because he liked Cliodhan, while Olivia and Hannah teased me relentlessly. It was me all along.
"Are you going back to uni this year?"
"Yeah, I'm going to live on campus. I need to get packed up soon."
"Do you think you'll get back with her?"
"No."
"Why-"
"Ivy, I'm in love with you. I thought you'd know that. I'm sorry I haven't made it clear. But I am now. I'm in love with you and I think I have been for years. It broke my fucking heart when you kissed Harry or when you started seeing Sean. I'm a better person when I'm with you. You're the only person I want to be with."
"Quinn-"
"You don't have to say it back." I wanted to.
"But-"
"Truth or truth?"
"Always truth."
"Are you really travelling for the next year?"
"How did you know?"
"Hannah told Ronan." Fuck.
"Yeah, I guess, I am."
"Fuck," he looked at me, blinking back the water forming in his eyes, "that's amazing, V."
"I don't want to leave you."
"I know," he grabbed my hand, "but you need to."
"I wasn't going to go, but I just thought about how you told me I need to keep living and you're right."
He didn't reply to that, instead he lifted my hand, still held by his, and pressed it to his lips. Out of everyone, I didn't think this would be the hardest goodbye.
"I brought you something," I dropped his hand and started searching in my bag.
"A parting gift?"
"No, actually, it was what I was going to give you for your birthday," I pulled the gift out, revealing a vinyl record of my mums. By George Michael, not only her favourite artist growing up, but also her funeral song.
"Ivy, you didn't have to," his eyes lit up as he ran his hands over the slightly worn record, "this was hers?"
"It was," I smiled.
"And you're giving it to me?"
"I heard you playing his album and noticed you skipped this song; she'd want you to be able to listen to it and remember her in a happy way."
"You know she had me play this for her, when I was looking after her," he was letting his tears fall now.
"It's yours now, she'd want you to have it," I pulled him in for a hug, overcome with emotion.
"You are too good for me."
"I really don't want to leave you this year, Quinn."
"You deserve this, Ivy. You need to do this on your own, without me. Your mum would be so excited for you."
"I keep thinking how bittersweet it will be when I make all these amazing new memories and I can't share them with her."
"You can share them with me, I'll pass them along on my weekly visits." My heart did somersaults, thinking of Quinn still visiting my mum for the next year. She would love that.
"What if you're not here when I come back?"
"Where else would I be?"
"I don't know, maybe you'll meet another girl down at uni."
"Ivy," he laughed, "you're the one travelling the world, there will be a thousand guys there for you."
"I don't want a thousand guys," I frowned.
"That's good, because I'll be here when you come back."
"Promise?"
"Cross my heart. And I'll be ready to hear you say those words back when you come home."
ŞİMDİ OKUDUĞUN
LIVING & GRIEVING
Genç Kurgu"You're going to keep living, V." Everyone thought Ivy Archer had the perfect life. Because they had no idea what she was hiding: her mums terminal cancer. When the inevitable happens, Ivy is forced to face her grief for the first time, in front of...
