american beauty // joshler

45

tyler's point of view

i grip my suitcase with a white-knuckled fist, pulling it behind me as the nurse leads me to the front of the building.

as soon as he comes into my line of sight, i let go of my luggage and run to close the last few feet of space between us. i collide into him like a scene from a cheesy romance movie, my arms wrapping around him so tightly they shake.

"hey there, ty." he hugs me back, his embrace filling in the few cracks left that three weeks of therapy couldn't quite get to.

and everything is okay again.

"hi, jim." i finally pull away to look at him.

it's been four days since i saw him last. over the twenty-one days i was here, i only got to see him for an hour and a half, split into three visits. i never want to look at anything else again.

"i missed you," he says, his smile wide, "i'm so, so proud of you though. you are so incredibly strong."

"i missed you more." i shake my head, "but i really want to get out of here. can we be sappy in the car maybe? i miss the outside world." i feel my cheeks go red and he laughs, a sound i missed deeply.

"absolutely. steven brought you a surprise," he says, taking my suitcase from where i'd abandoned it. he takes my hand in his free one and leads me outside.

the sun feels different. better. and i feel... good.

steven is waiting outside the car with a warm smile and a familiar cup.

"you brought me a smoothie?!" i suddenly feel my mouth water. "god, i missed you, steven." i pull him into a hug as well, "thank you so much."

"it's my pleasure, tyler," he pats my back gently, "i missed our morning rides."

"regina's at the house," josh says, "she wanted to see you but she decided to file the release papers and everything online so we didn't have to wait on her here."

"fair enough."

i climb into the car and cling to josh when he gets in next to me, sitting as close to him as possible. he wraps an arm around my shoulder and i let myself take in the familiar scent of his cologne.

"i want to kiss you," i admit quietly, like it's a secret.

"you can do that, you know."

my cheeks flush again and i elbow him gently. not in front of steven," i mumble, like a kid on a playground.

"my eyes are on the road, tyler, i assure you. i'm just glad you're back."

"i think i'll wait anyway. i wanna save it for just us." i raise one of my shoulders in a half shrug.

"that's okay too."

josh spends the rest of the ride catching me up on things that happened at work and in the world in general while i was gone. i feel myself grow nervous as we get closer to our house. i'm ready to be back, i'm excited even, but i'm still scared. i'm scared of messing it up again.

instead of pushing it down, i try to let the feeling come and go. i make peace with it. i try to remind myself that it's okay to be scared.

i'm doing my best to remember all of the things i've worked on lately, including the recognition that josh does love me, and that if something were to happen, he would be there for me. i squeeze his hand to ground myself. when he squeezes back, i feel the fear subside.

"ready?" he asks, taking off his seatbelt when steven puts the car into park.

"ready."

when we get inside, regina rushes towards me and hugs me tight, following it with a light smack to my arm.