american beauty // joshler

29

josh's point of view

"is that tyler? and brendon urie?"

i follow jayla's eyes to where, indeed, tyler and brendon sit across the room.

shit.

"yes."

"don't worry, i won't say anything." she shakes her head and taps her nails against the table, turning her gaze back to her menu.

tyler makes no such promise of silence and walks up to our table only a few seconds later.

"good afternoon, darlings! fancy seeing you both here." he flashes his charming smile and looks between the two of us. "how are you, jayla? been awhile since i've seen you. congratulations on the promotion!"

"thank you, tyler. it's nice to see you too," she says, her tone polite but her face knowing. "i've been doing great. what about you?"

"fantastic. i'm throwing a party tonight. you should both come," he offers.

"ah, i'm pretty busy," jayla excuses herself immediately, "thank you though."

i wish it were that easy for me to get out of these things.

"i, um... i've also got work to do. i'll catch the next one?"

his eyes change and i know he wants to ask if i'll be busy with ayden. he doesn't. all he says is, "alright. but i'm holding you to that. you'll be at the next one." he winks and then steps away from the table. "enjoy your meal! i'll see you both around, yes?"

"will do," jayla waves and then drops her smile as soon as he's back to his own table. "you'll be at the next one? really?"

"i'm sorry! i'm so bad at saying no to him." i bury my face in my hands. "it's fine. it doesn't mean i'll actually go."

"right..." she shakes her head. "we don't have to talk about that. let's talk about you. you've seemed stressed lately. everything okay?"

"i've got a lot going on is all. i've got several big shoots, a few meetings coming up. i've been falling behind on editing. i just can't seem to get any of them up to my own standards, you know? and i've been so busy, i haven't seen ayden much. i feel terrible for saying it, but i just... don't have the energy. i don't feel the same as i used to, and it's hard to pretend that i do." i look up at her after i'm finished speaking. "i'm sorry. that's a lot, i know. i didn't mean to unload it all on you. but you did ask and i haven't talked about it with anyone else, so i didn't think to be any less honest. you would've called me out on it if i wasn't anyway."

"you're right." she smiles again, but it's more genuine, and more sympathetic. "i'm happy to listen whenever you wanna talk. i'm sorry you've been going through all that, josh. have you... talked to ayden? about your feelings? or new lack of..?"

"no. i don't want to. i think it's just because i've been working so much. i'm sure things will settle down soon."

"and if they don't?"

"i... don't know."

-

a week or so after lunch with jayla, things have not settled down and my 'i don't know' is about to be answered.

"you know i don't like arguing, j. i don't want to fight with you. i just hate never seeing you! i hate all of this. i'm not saying we have to move across the world, just maybe somewhere a little smaller."

"i know, i know. i don't like fighting either, we've just been busy! both of us. our schedules aren't as complimentary right now. it's no one's fault, but i can't give up my job and move. i've worked so hard to get to where i am. i'm sorry if you don't, but i like it here and i love what i do, stressed or not."