american beauty // joshler

28

tyler's point of view

"you were the last good thing about this part of town," is all i leave him with before hanging up.

i feel bitterness burn in my bones, a subtle sting that i attempt to numb by lighting one of the pre-rolls i have and taking a few hits. i have to pull myself together after that, to make sure my hair looks okay, apply just a bit of mascara and a light coat of lip balm. i picked my outfit earlier, so all i have left now is to put it on.

i go downstairs when i'm ready to rearrange the bottles of alcohol and cups on the table, making sure the snacks i've put out aren't too close to the edge of the counter. i've made sure to double-check that ever since someone knocked over two bowls of chips in one night at one of my first parties. no one told me, so everyone walked over it and there were chip crumbs spread around my house for weeks. my parties were so much different then. less people, less alcohol, more weed, less powders and pills. that party was years ago but it feels more like a lifetime.

one of the only things that has remained the same in this lifetime is brendon, who will be here in about thirty minutes.

i switch my lights off in exchange for the leds. i turn some music on a volume that seems too loud now, though i know it will give me the same exhilarating overstimulation once my house is full of people and i'm full of liquor.

-

the room is packed and i've probably had a hit from every blunt in the house by the time i see brendon walk in the door. i push through the crowd and hug him tightly, feeling a relief i didn't know i was waiting for.

"hey, babydoll." he hugs me back and buries his face in the crook of my neck. "i missed you."

i pull away and kiss him, a smile plastered across my face. "i missed you more. i'm so glad you're back, bren." i lean up to kiss him one more time. "how was tour? let's go get a drink and we can talk in the back, yeah?"

"sounds good, ty." his eyes are so soft when he looks at me, i can see the genuineness in them even in this lighting. they shine at me and for me, looking me over with both lust and love.

i take his hand in mine and squeeze it, pulling him along to the kitchen. i make us both drinks while a few people stop to say hi or congratulate him on the tour.

when we eventually find a place to sit outside, it feels nice to just... be with him. it's been a weird few months and i'm glad he's home for awhile.

he lights a joint for us to share and passes it to me. "so, how have things been? what have you been up to?"

"no way. you first. tell me all about everything." i smile at him and pass the joint back after taking a hit.

i don't want to talk about how i've been. i don't want to ruin tonight by talking about josh and needles and falling off my couch and gina shaking me awake when i missed work. it's all been so heavy on my mind lately. i want to take this as an opportunity to forget.

brendon follows through though, telling me about the tour and which cities were the loudest and all the things he got up to in his time off.

we talk for awhile and i avoid bringing up certain things for as long as i can.

then, brendon says, "but really, ty, how have you been doing? a little birdie tells me not too great."

i shrug a little. "it's nothing. i don't wanna ruin your party. you just got here! tonight is about you."

"c'mon, hun, you know you can talk to me. a party is a party and i appreciate you doing this for me, but if it were me and you alone in your living room, i'd be just as content."