Wild Amenity » Remus Lupin

9. A rebel awakens

Wednesday, 31st March 1976. 14 days until the full moon.

Remus hated when Juniper was right, which tended to be most of the times. Growing up with her, Remus was placed forcely in positions where discussions took place between the two. They were pretty silly, but coming to middle ground usually took time, and it always ended up inclining the scale toward Juniper's side. Things hadn't changed that much.

Besides Remus not having any issues with spending his time with Juniper and her friends, it was visible he missed being around his own group of people. He missed James's rambling about his plan to get Lily to date him, and those moments where Peter laughed uncontrollably and couldn't stop, making everyone around laugh too. But most of all, he missed Sirius.

He longed for his boisterous comments and cocky smirk, the way his eyes shone when he explained to him the most ridiculous idea of a prank before he ended up agreeing with it. He missed sneaking out of the dorm at midnight to share a cigarette at the Astronomy Tower, wasting time together under the moonlight. Yet, the way he had handled his secret still sent shivers down his spine. Sirius had been careless, selfish, and that was what hurt the most.

Juniper had sensed the distress in him, and advised that maybe he should listen to what Sirius had to say. He refused—obviously—, only to not have to admit he had been thinking the same thing, especially after having overheard Sirius telling James how he wished Remus would spend more time with them. The issue was, he couldn't physically do it.

He didn't have to do much for an opportunity to listen to him, because it presented itself on its own. After a long day full of classes, in which every teacher had given them homework, Remus was sitting on his bed, surrounded by books and parchments. He was sure he could make a blanket out of his essays if he wanted to. His legs hurt from being crossed for hours, so he got up, deciding that a stretch was very much needed.

The moment his feet touched the ground, the door of the dorm opened, and Sirius walked in. They stared at each other for a split second before Remus walked past him, determined to leave. But Sirius had another idea in mind.

"Moony," he called, "can we talk?"

Remus stood by the doorframe, hesitant. In the end, he decided to listen to Juniper's counselling and turned around, arms crossed. Sirius visibly gulped, and took a moment before speaking.

"I know I fucked up. And I'm really sorry. I wish I could take everything back, because you don't deserve it."

Sirius made a pause, waiting for a reaction. Remus just blinked. Sirius sighed, and took a step closer to him.

"I understand if you don't want to talk to me ever again, but you're my best friend. And I miss you."

A kick to the guts would have hurt less.

Remus couldn't look at him anymore. He sounded genuine, which made everything worse. Sirius stared at him, expectant, with those pretty eyes that made the flock of butterflies on his stomach go completely wild. But he didn't know what to say. Instead, he gave him a nod in response and left.

He strode around the castle until reaching a classroom as far from the common room as he could. Remus entered and sat on top of a desk, burying his face in his hands as Sirius' words echoed in his brain. They made his head hurt, especially the "I miss you," part. Because Remus missed him too, but the damage was still there, and he didn't know how to heal.

"Remus?" a soft voice called, and a red mane of hair peered through the door. "What are you doing here?"

A long sigh escaped his lips. He considered lying, but it was Lily Evans. Lily, the one who had heard him complain for entire hours, and entire days in a row. He couldn't lie to her—nor try, for she would know it was a facade. Really smart, that one was.