Femme Empire

Test of Love

I sat by Josh's bed. I had reduced my visits to twice a week. The doctors had forcibly sent me home when I had started spending unhealthy amounts of time crying over his sleeping form. The machines beeped informing me of his still-beating heart but no signs of brain activity.

He was hooked over to numerous wires. Wires keeping his vital organs alive and his heart beating. There had been no signs of conscious motor activity for seven weeks now.

I was fast losing hope.

I had pulled up every single web page and article about coma and brain injuries. The best neurologists in the world had been contacted for him. Nobody could do anything.

Dr. Arvind Kaur, the Head of Neurology had in no uncertain terms cleared it to me that Josh needed a miracle to wake up.

I had billions in my account. No money would bring back my little boy.

I had come to clear my head after that night. What an euphemistic, I called it 'that' night. The night where I almost kissed Emir.

Ethan and I had never agreed to keep our relationship open. We didn't talk about his work. As a rule, we didn't. He was to sort out his own demons and when he was ready, he would tell me. I knew that the work took a toll on him. Loss of life was a terrible burden to bear. But, that was what made him strong. His goodness, his capacity for kindness was what drew me to him and I had been ready to throw it away all over a simple infatuation.

I was in the worst possible low of my life.

And I didn't know how to get out of it. It seemed impossible, utterly impossible to feel anything but despair.

____________

"Sana...."
Surprised eyes flitted to my face drinking me in.

"Hey...", I said in response. I didn't know why I was there. I didn't want to know.

I was too raw, too wounded. I didn't know why I wanted to walk over shattered glass again and open up barely healed wounds of that night. Perhaps, it was because he understood what it was like to lose a child. Perhaps, I needed an excuse.

But, I was here standing on Emir Aslan's doorstep, at two o'clock in the morning. I pressed my head to the doorframe, staring at him, having not a single word to say. I just looked into those grey, steely eyes begging for him to not turn me away.

He must have seen the naked despair in my eyes because he pushed the door wider without a word and let me in.

I looked around the bachelor pad listlessly. A curious mix of masculine and feminine, black and white photographs adorning the walls, roses in the vase. A home. A home like Ethan and I shared. My heart ached like a fresh bleeding wound.

A hand on my shoulder startled me out of my reverie.

"Looked like you could use this.", Emir said handing me a crystal glass filled with three fingers of amber liquid. My fingers clenched around the glass.

I gulped it down in one go.

My legs gave out and I fell back on the couch.

For a moment, a choking panic gripped my throat. What if Josh didn't wake up? How could I be a mother one day and childless the next?

My hands started to shake.

A sob worked past my throat.

Suddenly warm fingers clenched around mine. Strong, arms engulfed me. My head was buried in the crook of Emir's neck. The dam broke apart when he started stroking my hair softly. His entire shoulder grew wet. All the while, he didn't let me go. He held me tightly.