Forever mine 💕🦋

Where it beginnings

Do you even have a heart.
Do you even cared for me. Did you ever love me or was it all a lie.

Anyone can love and anyone can fake a smile. But was it the smile that he made that light up his eyes or was it the way he gets nervous around me.
However, was this all a dream? A dream that I fell so deeply in love with that I'm hallucinating right this minute.
If I'm am. Then buy me a nice coffin cause I don't want to wake up.
What made you fall for me he ask.
As if he doesn't know the thing that crept into my mind the second he appear.
Why must everything I have must be ruin by my overthinking. Must my demon be close to surface that I can't just be happy anymore.
And must the thing I said and love be gone with only one sentence out of anger.
My demon are not to be control and can never be love so that's why I must lock my feeling up and my heart . Forever in this world but, forever lost the game.♾
That's how I live me life.
Every guy that falls for me comes under my spell but why must when the feeling of mine be the same it has to go away.
Why the second I let someone in, they make me regret and is it just because I'm not incredibly enough to know the truth reality that.
Every relationship was my fault.
For a while, I thought that.
I thought that maybe, just maybe it was my fault.
Then he came.
And fucked up my life.

🫶🏽*********************************But we always have to start at the?beginning.******************************************************🫶🏽

We met at school and weirdly a connection formed.
We was friend but also not friend.
Mainly just because I'm flirt and he took the bait.
But never did I ever think he would still have the same feeling for me.
Why must I have to live up to the potential of another woman.
I mean now I have to deal with another dude liking me and his terrible ex. Must it always be drama. But with him it was different.
And different was never good to me🤨.
Did he have a way to kill me.
Did he know my deepest weakness.
Or do he actually cared.
Nah
He can't.
(Right- I ask myself over and over why must he treated me this way. Why must he give me these sign that he want to be more than just friends. Why must he want to justify everything we have with a label. Why can't he see that I'm scared. Scared that finally he may be the one to get me what I want. And that's what I'm afraid of.  Him being my soulmate and I'm ruined it with cheating or my demon.)
Come back to reality bro 🤣
Ok ok so let's go in to reality for a minute did I really just write all this. Yep. Am I'm texting everything that comes to my mind. Yes. But when did the of "friend" to "enemy" to "lover" to "my man" to "my soulmate" beginning.
Weirdly it started out at a drug store. Yep I said drug store. I was there with my father waiting on medical for my mom who was sick. And there goes scooter walking his ass in.
At that time looking back your girl thought she was going to be single for years.
And she already had a "list" of what qualities for a dude to be her soulmate.
The biggest one was her bf and dad being friend. So guess what comes to her surprise that her dad and scooter are actually friends. Weirdo can't let me breath for shit I see. (I still love you tho 😂)
I had to go sit in the car cause I was to overwhelmed by the fact he kept looking at me. Like no mirror to see if It's food on my face or something and he was making me nervous no cap so your girl had to bounce.
Therefore, months later there talking face-times giggles on the phone 🥺. Then 💥 boom. We stop texting no more conversation.
Did you really think that was the end.