Married to my best friend

31. Lies

Don't forget to read Chapter 30 'Partings' first.

N A N D I N I

"Don't miss me too much!" That day in the airport he had said that to me with a smile on his lips, the exact kind of Cheshire cat like smile that made me roll my eyes but I missed seeing it now.

"There's nothing to miss about you." I had said with confidence but I regretted it. A week had passed by and Manik hadn't contacted me, not even once. Sometimes it was really heart breaking how he always gave in to my words. I had told him I needed a break from us and he was giving it to me but I was neither happy nor any sort of satisfied and yet I couldn't muster up my courage to sent him a message. I still believed we needed our own individual separate time and a lot at that. After all that was the only way we could sort out the things between us. But today of all the days I missed him even more.

"Stop looking at your phone and sighing." Navya's voice snapped me out of my thoughts. "Just message him already."

"Should I?" I asked.

"Go ahead idiot. I don't get it why you both are struggling for nothing."

"It's not for nothing okay." I contradicted.

"Urghh, I am just trying to say he is your best friend first so just message him instead of staring at your phone like you want to drill a hole on it."

"You won't understand." I looked at my phone screen for the nth time. 'I am here. Come down fast.' That was the last message we had exchanged more than a week ago. 

"At this point you are just running away Nandini." 

"I am trying not to." I let out a heavy breath before clicking on the chat box. 'Hey. Are you okay?' I composed a message only to delete it all again. 

'Don't stay out for too long and don't-' I deleted it again.

'Just because I am not there you aren't-' and again.

'Don't drink too mu-' and yet again. Frustrated I kept my phone aside. He would be okay. I tried convincing myself but I wasn't one bit convinced and moreover the fact that I wasn't there by his side on this day suffocated me. It was his dad's death anniversary and before today I had never left him alone on this day. 

"He isn't a kid now. He'll be fine." I pushed my phone further away. 

"Whatever. Just don't regret it later. Creating distance and not doing what you want to do isn't sorting out things. You are just messing with yourself at this point." Frustrated, Navya got up from her seat. "I am going to go get some coffee. Want one?"

"No. I am good." I refused. 

"Then how about chocolates? Desserts?"

"No. It's fine."

"Nothing is fine but you might slightly be if you just call him." She said before leaving the cabin.

I shifted my gaze from the door to my phone. He should be fine. He should be. Oh fuck it. I grabbed my phone and dialed his number. All it took was one and a half ring for him to pick up the call but for quite a while none of us spoke. 

"Hii." I finally managed to say.

"Hii." a sudden chill run down my spine when his voice reached my ears . I let out a soft sigh as I tried to stay as calm as possible. "How have you been?" 

"Um, great." he said. "And you?"

"Me too." I lied. Nothing had been great. I felt lost and nothing felt familiar here but I didn't want him to know that. "The condo I was assigned to is spacious and what not I get a room all to myself." which wasn't really a space I was enjoying though.

"Hmm. How about the food? Is it to your liking?" 

"Yeah. The food here tastes great." I lied again. "There are varieties of desserts here. Each one better than the other."

"So you are enjoying the place?" 

"Yeah, absolutely."

A moment of silence prevailed between us before he spoke out, "Lies. Lies. I have known you for almost thirty years now Nandini. I am your best friend first. You don't need to lie to me"

"Right. There's no point in lying." I bit the inside of my lower lips. "Then you shouldn't be lying to me either. Great. Seriously? You don't even sound okay."

He let out a painful chuckle from the other end of the phone. "You know me well. You know me so freaking well and you still chose to leave me when you knew I was hurting." 

The knot that had formed in my chest tightened. He sounded vulnerable and it was all my fault. "I knew you were hurting and the reason was me. I just wanted us to have some space for us to function rationally."

"Rationally?" he scoffed. "We were- urghh, I- I don't think my mind is in the right place. Le- Let's talk later Nandini."

"No let's talk now. Let it all out Manik." I pleaded as I held on to my phone tighter.

"There's nothing to let out. Nandini I have made myself clear. If it's you, I don't need love. You staying by my side is all I want and about this if you don't want to then I won't force you to stay. I will never because I know what you have been through. It's all your call Nandini."

"I know and that's why it scares me. You would stay with me even when you are hurting. You would do it the way I want to even if it means you have to compromise with your own happiness. I kind of used you and you let me use you. I don't want to exploit you Manik."

"How can you be so sure? May be I was using you too."

"See Manik you are just that selfless. You always try to shoulder the whole burden yourself." 

"No I am not."

"Yes you are. I came running to your embrace whenever I felt low and you just embraced me. You kissed me when-"

"Nandini." he interrupted but I continued. "I wanted to kiss you. You slept with me-"

"Nandini."

"when I wanted to. In fact you even tried stopping me but I still crossed your line and when you ended up confessing I just ran away. I am a coward Manik and I don't deserve a guy like you."

"Listen to me."

"I am sorry. I am so sorry."

"Fine." This time his voice was louder. "I'll think about myself now. Everything I do will be for myself. Now stop feeling sorry."

*****

Someone finally got time from all her other works and uploaded a new chapter *ahem ahem* I wish I could say that someone isn't me but I can't. I did get into my feels but this chapter is still pretty much lacking. 

Thank you for waiting and for giving this chapter a read. 

Love,
Aaku