Brielle's heart

7

The hot water hits my body. I lather some body wash on the lofa, scrubbing the scentless body wash on my skin.

Sometimes I feel like I might actually matter to somebody. Those waves of emotions last for about thirty seconds. then I face the truth. The only time people act like I matter to them is when they feel bad. I hate to be a burden on people.

I exist,feel and think entirely too much. It's like I, myself, am crushing the life out of me. It's exhausting.

I turn the water off and grab a body towel and hair towel drying off. I put on denim shorts, a cropped white tank top and a flannel. I brush my hair before putting my hair into a claw clip I had put in my tote.

I step outside when I'm met with a ball of fur attempting to climb up my leg. The puppy looked up at me with big ice blue eyes. They had a mix of gray,white,black, and tan fur. I reach down and pet the soft fur, the puppy starts licking my face and I giggle.

I hear Carlos whistle and turn my gaze over to him. He is dressed in a black shirt, and grey sweatpants.

"tori, come girl" the puppy who's name is i'm guessing tori struts over to Carlos and starts attempting to climb up his leg.

equal love for everybody.

Carlos sighs and looks down at me.

"Sorry" he says, his voice stearn.

"It's fine" I say , my wet hair flopping down on my shirt as I shrug.

his jaw tenses. I look down at my shirt and realize it's wet and I kinda see through showing my blue bra. I pull up my pants and fix my flannel.

Tori comes strutting up to me again before nuzzling her snout in my stomach.

I think my heart just melted.

"How old is she?" I look up once again to find Carlos already staring at me, probably picking out every reason he should kick me out of his luxury apartment.

"She's 4 months old. we found her on the street where a old man was kicking her, We tried finding her an owner but she kept getting returned, she was to wild apparently, the only shelters around here are kill shelters so i decided to keep her and train her"

a big scary man with a heart of gold. makes up for all the big muscles.

shut up brain.

"i've always wanted a dog, we had one when i was born till i was 6 then she died of old age."

"oh"

okay.

"uh, I don't have to stay long, only for a week or a few days. I can ask my aunt or something. I'm sure she'll say yes." the words tumble out of my mouth like i only have a certain amount of seconds to speak.

I don't even have an aunt.

Carlos stares at me, like he's battling something in his mind.

"no" is the only thing he says before turning around and walking off.

I follow him, "what do you mean no?"

"i mean no, your staying here,"

"You don't need to pity me, nor do I want your pity."

he looks at me with that look in his eye.

"I'll never pity someone enough to let them live in my house. What I'm doing is caring about you." with that he walks back to his room. not saying anything more.

welp. what am i supposed to do now

I look at Tori who's laying on the floor rolling around. She's so cute. I may as well hang out with her. I get on my knees and rub her belly while talking to her in a baby voice.

I don't have work today. so i have nothing to do. I walk back to the guest room and lay down,staring at the ceiling. I want a tattoo, maybe like a flower. or have like a snake wrapped around my body and at my neck it says "i talk alot, please don't stab me." I think I'll do that, it fits me just fine. I look around the room, most of it is black, the curtains are grey though.

talk about a pop of color.

I hear footsteps coming down the hall, I sit up just as Carlos leans against the doorframe.

"Are you hungry?" he asks, his arms crossed against his chest.

"no" I say quickly, i had ice cream yesterday, i don't need anymore food.

He looks me up and down before meeting my eyes again.

"You sure?" he shoots his eyebrow up just slightly.

I know I'm fat, no need to make it obvious.

"Yep" I say , popping the p.

He nods but doesn't move.

"Do you need anything?"

I think for a moment,

"Uh, i um need some stuff from my house" stuff meaning mr fibbs, my stuffed panda. Very important.

He sighs before telling me to get ready.

I put my shoes on and grab my phone and tote bag.

He stops about a block away from my house.

"Do you have house keys?" he asks looking at me and my hands.

I shake my head. "No, my windows are unlocked.

He nods before pausing. "Isn't your room on the second floor?"

I nod my head.

"There's a tree there and I used to climb it all the time when I was a kid. fell a few times but i was okay. I'm practically the hulk." I say animatedly.

"uh huh" he says, eying my bruises.

I step out of the car and walk down to my house. Carlos gets out following me.

"I don't need you to protect me" never have, never will.

"I don't care," he says walking closer to me.

okay then,

When we arrive at the tree, I use a small hole in the tree trunk to step up to one of the branches, from there I continue to pull myself up the tree till I reach my window. Carlos follows behind me, stumbling a little.

I open the window and step into my room. I open my tote and began grabbing stuff, such as Mr. fibbs, a polaroid of my mom, and my polaroid camera. I look at Carlos as he looks at my room looking at random things, he picks up a flipped over polaroid and looks at the person on it. A person I thought I would never see again. My stomach drops all the way to hell.

"Who's this?" he asks, holding it in his hand. I open my mouth trying to think of words to say.

"Nobody important, you can just throw it away, I forgot I had it." He was not just nobody important, he was the first boy I loved, and the first boy who ever made me hate myself.

"What's his name?" he asks, still looking at the photo, i inhale.

"Aaron" i say refusing to have emotion when i say that name,

I knew what photo he was looking at, aaron had his arm around me, and we were both smiling, if only i knew what would happen later that night.

"Just throw it away," I say forcefully.

He throws it away and continues to look around. When he looks away i stuff some underwear and bras into the tote. I open my middle drawer and grab my sweaters and crewnecks.

I think that's all.

I turn around to look at Carlos when I hear footsteps coming towards my door. Me and Carlos both look at each other. I don't dare make a sound but Carlos carries on what he was doing. I hear the door across the hall open before letting out the breath I didn't know I was holding.

I stand up ready to leave and have half my body out the window when I look back to see Carlos staring at the trash looking at the trash, more particularly the polaroid.

"Are you coming?" i ask

He nods and turns to face me fully.

I climb down the tree and walk down to the car.