His Slave

42. Truth Hurts

Erin

Magic words?

Oh. Right.

Our agreement. I was so wrapped up in the moment, I almost forgot.

I... do want that. But to say that I love him? To damn myself to a life of enslavement?

Can I really do that?

Can I honestly just sign my freedom away?

I... I don't think that I can.

It's the very thing that's been holding me back this whole time. If I admit I have feelings for him, it means I'll never get to be a free person again. I'll be stuck as a second-class citizen my whole life.

And while I would trust James, I don't want to spend the rest of my years relying on him to make my decisions for me.

I want to be free to make my own choices. I want to decide to stay with James because I care about him, not because of a life contract I'll be grudgingly forced to sign if I admit my feelings.

Not because I'm forced to stay with him by some rich assholes controlling the status quo and getting free labor from impoverished people who had no alternative.

I want to choose to stay with him because I want to stay with him.

Not because I have to.

I lower my gaze, backing down from his challenge. I can't do that.

At least, not yet. Maybe at some point I can talk him into changing the rules of our agreement and then it would be a different story.

Even if the A.E.D.P.'s methods are wrong, Riley was right.

There are things I want out of life that I could never have as a debtor. I want to find something I enjoy doing and pursue it.

Maybe I would even like to finish school.

Hell, even if I decided that staying with James like this is good enough for me, if we wanted to have children later in life, we wouldn't be allowed to.

I've received a birth control shot every year on check up day since I had my first period at 13.

All debtors are given birth control to prevent us from making more 'problems for the government to sort out'.

My mother wasn't a debtor until after she had my brother and I and that's the only reason we exist. If my mother hadn't met my father, if he hadn't taken care of her for five years, I wouldn't be here.

It's not okay for the government to tell debtors or women - to tell anyone - what they can and cannot do with their bodies.

"I have something to tell you," I say, my words impossibly quiet.

James releases me. He's no longer smirking, but he doesn't look annoyed either.

Well, he's not annoyed yet. But he's about to be.

James takes a seat on the sofa in his room, beckoning me over and I obey, taking the seat next to him. With a heavy sigh, I tell him everything.

How Kendra cornered me in the bathroom at dinner that night, about how she threatened me. I tell him everything Riley said to me, and how I so foolishly invited him here just yesterday.

I even tell him about the conversation I had with Mr. Brewer at my birthday party.

I tell him about the paperwork Riley left and about how I called Emily and told her that Riley was working with the rebels.

I leave nothing out and when I'm finally finished, I slowly glance up, meeting his gaze.

The anger in his violet eyes sends a jolt of panic through me.