Wilt and Ruin

Chapter Twenty-Four (Captain)

Like we usually did when at school, the three of us stretched out on our backs on the lawn in the middle of the tracks. We'd spent the better part of an hour training with Nine. I never thought I would be there, thinking of the man I wanted to make love to—the man—I sighed.

For the longest time, I thought I was straight. And then slowly I started thinking, maybe I wasn't completely that way. Then came Tao and I didn't care if I was gay, straight, bi—whatever. All I knew, was that my heart and my body wanted P'Tao in ways I never thought was possible.

I wanted him to love me, to pampered me, to consume me.

The sensation was so strong, it terrified me.

At nights when my body shakes with the loneliness of not having him by my side, by not having him hold me like he did before—I grew scared and unsure if I was worthy.

But he kept holding himself from me—he kept denying his passions and that was beginning to tell me maybe he didn't want me as desperately as I waned him.

"Nothing happened with P'Tao?" Nine asked.

"Nothing." I confirmed. "I tried after our date, but he just stopped."

"Did he say why?" Runn asked.

"He said he wanted our first time to be perfect." I sighed my frustration and sat up to look own at my friends. "But I'm ready. I know I'm ready."

"Maybe you should sit him down and tell him that." Nine suggested. "Maybe he's afraid."

"P'Tao is my man." I folded my arms. "He's not afraid of anything."

Runn laughed. "He might be afraid of this. I mean, it's his first time making love to you—he may be afraid he doesn't know what—well, what makes you happy in that department."

"Really?" I leaned forward.

Nine sat up. "Runn's right. Guys get self-concious in that area. Some guys worry they can't please their lover or they might be into something their partner isn't..."

"Like what?"

Nine and Runn looked at each other then back at me.

"Well—" Runn sat up and cleared his throat. He looked over his shoulders then back at me. "P'King was worried he might be too rough for me. Every time we finished he kept asking if I was okay..."

"And was he?"

Runn blushed. "No. The first time hurt but—all the times after that—"

"And you're sure you're ready for the pain the first time?" Nine asked.

"Yes, I'm sure. If it's P'Tao, I'm okay. I know he'll be good to me." I confided.

"Then do what Nine suggested." Runn told me while rubbing my arm "Talk to P'Tao. Tell him you're ready."

Exhaling softly, I shifted to my back again and looked up at the slowly darkening sky. I wasn't sure how long we stayed like that talking until someone called Runn's name. We looked up to the entrance to see Tao and King walking toward us.

I only had eyes for Tao as he seemed to veer off into slow motion, the wind rustling his beautiful, dark hair and his eyes lay on me as if they were trying to tear my clothes off. The three us stood, Nine picked up his back and turned to leave.

"Hey, wait a minute." I called. "We can drop you home."

"I'm not going home." Nine told me. "Going to spend some time in the library."

"I can come back and pick you up when you're done." Runn suggested.

"That's fine. I have a way home." Nine waved and left us.