Vital

when the ice caves

I had turned seventeen that airish January

Just days after tasting buttercream icing,

I wrote a goodbye letter and was content with it

- being my entire legacy

I feared adulthood and things never improving

I had grieved without mercy for four years straight

- and none of my friends could relate

to a motherless child with a brave face

I had been planning a great escape for a while

Weighing impulse, stubbornness, selfishness, and shame

I had been telling myself to just get through today for too long

- and I didn't know just how much pain a person could take

I laugh now, knowing I had only scratched the surface

Seeing my reflection in a frozen fond, but not knowing 

- just how thick that ice is

I was in for a rude awakening when it would end up caving

"Much stronger than you anticipated", I whisper 

- and I aim to keep proving myself wrong and have expectations surpassed

It's not so much about if things get better anymore,

but giving that child inside me that's healing that chance