Wish I Was Home

Harry

The kisses we shared didn't magically fix everything. They were like Band-Aids and made us feel better for a time. They could always bandage the problem but never fully fix it. Our communication or lack of had always been our biggest problem. We were both so stubborn and when we talked we would argue. So, kissing was a quick fix and even though they made us feel good and close to one another we needed to really talk things out.

Louis and I had loved each other for so long one would think that after twelve years we would have improved our communication but it hadn't gotten better and somehow only gotten worse.

Louis kissed me again with more urgency than the last kiss and I pulled away, my eyes searching his. "I've missed this so much," I told him, my arms wrapped around his body and his around mine.

"We've always been good at that Haz," he said with a small smile.

"Yes we have," I agreed. "But we need to sort our shit out. Have you asked your management if you could do the reunion with us?"

"Yes," he said and looked down.

"You're gonna be in breach aren't you?" He didn't answer he just nodded. "Jesus Louis."

"I'm gonna break my contract," he finally said. "I'm done. I can't do it anymore." It sounded like a decision he made on the spot.

I pulled him in to my chest. "I'll help you figure it out. We'll get you out of the contract. I have an amazing attorney that can help you."

"I can't ask you to do that," he said. "You can't always fix everything Harry."

"This time you'll accept my help," I told him. "Stop being so damn stubborn and let your husband help you." I knew I could help him get out of the contract. My attorney was the best in the business and had gotten me out of a contract as well. A contract, that much like Louis, I should have never signed.

"My husband?" He questioned. "You still consider yourself my husband?"

"I didn't sign the papers did I?" I asked rhetorically. "When I said I do to you I meant it Louis. I meant forever."

He wrapped his arms around me again and held me tight. "Ok," he sighed. "We should sit and discuss what went wrong then. How did we get to this point?"

I wasn't sure how everything had gotten so messed up between us. How we had gone from friends, to lovers, to nothing in the span of twelve years. We had gone through that cycle over and over and it didn't make sense because we both knew how much we loved and cared so deeply for each other.

We talked that evening and had an honest conversation without lying. We had both told so many lies to each other through the years. But one thing remained, we always loved each other.

"Dad!" Freddie yelled when he entered the door with Lottie and spotted me. He ran and jumped into my arms.

"Hey love," I said and held him tight. "I've missed you so much." I said and feel my tears fall as I kiss his head and cheeks over and over.

He pulled back and looked in my eyes. "Don't cry dad. I missed you too. Daddy showed me all your shows. I know you've been busy." The seven year old I was holding was wise beyond his years. Louis had shown him videos of me on stage? Shit! I need to tone it down if my son will be watching.

"I'm here now buddy," I told him and made eye contact with Lottie. "Hey Lots," I said to her.

She glared at me but also wore a small smile. "Harry," she said to me.

I held my free arm out to her and she put her arm around me and hugged me tight. "I hope you're here working things out Haz. He needs you even if he doesn't admit it." She said the last sentence quietly.

"I need him too," I told her. "We've worked it out. Well some of it anyhow."

"Good," she said and released me. "I better get going."

"Lottie?" Louis said to her. "Wait just a sec," he said then looked at Freddie. "Hey lad," Louis said to Freddie who is still in my arm with his little arms were wrapped tightly around my neck. "Can you go with Lottie for a bit longer love? We will come get you in a little while." Louis looked at Lottie asking for her to take him using his eyes.

"No I wanna stay with dad," he said and held me tighter.

"Just for a bit love," I told him. "I promise to come get you."

Freddie held his pinky out to me. "Pinky promise."

I laced my pinky with his. "I promise. I just need to talk to daddy for a bit longer."

"Alright," he said and I placed him on his feet on the floor. "You can't break a pinky promise."

"I know," I smiled down at him. "I won't. I'll be right there along with daddy."

"Ok," he said and I'm not sure if he believed me. He honestly had no reason to believe me. I'd been absent from his life for over a year.

"Work your shit out once and for all," Lottie told us pointing her finger at both of us before she walked out. "Your nephew will need both his uncles. I mean it too."

Lottie was pregnant with her first child and I was ready to be a proud uncle to her baby boy. "Don't worry Lots," I told her.

I turned to Louis once Lottie closed the door. "She's still super bossy." I said with a chuckle.

"Some things never change," Louis laughed. "My sisters all think they can boss me around."

I walked over to where he's stood and wrapped my arms around his waist. "I need you Lou, I need you with me."

"I need you too," he said leaning in to me and rubbing my back. "We have to work on our communication. We kinda suck at it."

"Kinda?" I laughed. "We one hundred percent suck at it."

"I need to tell you something," he said to me as we sat next to each other on the sofa again.

"Ok," I said and nod, I feared what was to come.

"You know when I told you I wasn't ready to come out?" He asked and I nodded. "Well, I've never been afraid of coming out Harry. I've always wanted to be with you. I've never cared what others would think of me. I never cared if I lost fans." He paused and looked at his feet. "I didn't want to ruin anything for you. I knew if we came out then it could ruin your career and I wanted you to have everything you ever wanted. It was never about me. It was always about you and my need to protect you. When I met with Simon that first time he told me I could ruin you and your career. Call me an idiot his words stuck with me all these years. I never wanted to be responsible for you not making it big."

That was not what I expected. "Oh Lou," I said and pulled him to me and held him tight. "I know you want to protect me love. That's your greatest quality and what I love most about you. We are in this together and it's time for us both to be happy. Yeah, I've gotten what I dreamed of but what does it matter when I don't have you?"

He looked up at me with tears in his eyes. "We've wasted a lot of time. I've waited too much time. Time I could have had with you. I pushed you away and I never should have done that."

I kissed him gently. "You're all I've ever wanted. You're the other half of me."

"God," he sighed. "I still love you so much it hurts Harry. I always have."

"I love you just as much, Boo," I told him.

He smiled up at me at the use of his nickname. I hadn't called him that in years.

After talking for a while we ended up in his room, the room we had once called ours. It had been so long since I had been with him, and the sex was unbelievable. Louis has always made me feel special, he made love to me so soft and gentle and left marks on my neck and chest. Being with him again was like the first time only unlike the first time we knew what we were doing.

Navigating sex with another male was something we had struggled with in the beginning. Neither of us had been with a boy before. Both of us had been with only girls. So in reality we took each other's virginity. I hadn't been with any other guy and Louis hadn't either.

But that time was just as wonderful as all the times before. I had my Louis back and this time I wouldn't let him go.