The Affair [boyxboy]

The Affair {18}

                                                                ***Connor’s POV***

                “Connor.”

                I sighed and turned to face Blake. “What do you want?”

                He stepped up to me and glared. “I’m glad you’re finally getting a taste of this kind of pain. It hurts to love the person you love, huh?”

                I felt my eyes watering, sick of all of this. “Yea, Blake. And I lost the four people I loved most.”

                He stared at me in confusion. I let out a bitter laugh at his expression. I wiped at my eyes and shook my head at him.

                “You’re so stupid Blake. You said it yourself; I’m a liar. I lied to you the night I broke it off. I never used you for sex. I loved you, Blake. I told you that yesterday, and I meant it. At first, I used you to ease my pain. But as soon as we kissed, I knew I had feelings for you. And when we had sex that night, part of it was to ease the pain, but the majority of it was because I had feelings for you,” I said.

                “Don’t cry Connor. I’m more of a horrible person that you ever will be,” he said, stepping up to me and gently brushing a tear off of my cheek.

                He gulped and guilt exploded in his eyes. “I think part of the reason I did all of this was jealousy. I was jealous that Luka had you when I couldn’t. Sure, I told Luka because I felt guilty that I slept with his boyfriend. But I also told him to get back at you and to…to get back at him. For having you when I couldn’t. For taking your heart. This whole thing changed me for the worst.”

                “I’m sorry Blake. I hate who we’ve become,” I said in disgust.

                “I love you Connor. But I still hate you for the night you broke it off. For the way you treated me then, and after. And I still think you deserve this pain,” he said, shoving his hands in his pockets.

                He turned and walked away from me. I watched him go, my heart aching. Another person walking away from me.

                I turned to head out to my car and leave school. I jumped back in surprise, and Felix raised an eyebrow at me.

                “I’m disgusted with you,” he said flatly.

                “Stop,” I mumbled, dropping my gaze. “I already feel like shit for what I did Felix. I know what I did, and I know how horribly wrong it was.”

                “Connor Garret Brennan, get your shit together,” he said.

                I looked up at him, confused. “What do you mean?”

                “I don’t think you deserve Luka. Hell, I know you don’t deserve Luka. Not after what you did to him. But the guy still loves you. I know he wants to be with you. But you have to let him know that you’re really sorry about what you did,” he said with a sigh.

                He shook his head, running a hand through his hair. “I don’t know why I’m even saying this to you. I just…I think it would hurt Luka even more to lose you than it would to try to repair your relationship. I’m just trying to look out for him. You and Blake don’t deserve a shoulder to lean on, but Luka does. He’s the victim in all of this. But I think he needs you more than either of you realize. You guys are in love, and just because you crushed him, it doesn’t change those feelings.”