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"Oh kiddo," JT said. He pulled me into a hug and I sobbed into his shoulder.

"You're a tough kid," he said. "You'll get through this, but that don't make this shit easier."

"How about some booze," Piney said. I chuckled at the man. Tequila was his solution to everything.

"Whiskey," I said. JT nodded and motioned to Alex to jump behind the bar. He did and he poured me a glass of Black Velvet before pouring glasses for the other two.

I took a sip and smirked a bit at the feeling.

I talked to the three for a while. JT and Piney were also grieving the loss of JT's youngest son a few months back.

"Lauren," JT said after a while. "I won't be able to come to the funeral. Piney will get the guys there for you. I'm headed to Ireland on business."

"Thanks. Y'all know you don't have to do that," I said.

"You were family long before you started dating this knucklehead," Piney said. I nodded.

Piney and JT headed out for a meeting and it was just Alex and I in the bar.

"Can I stay with you tonight?" I asked softly.

"I live with Kozik but yeah, absolutely. And tomorrow I'll go with you to the funeral home. You're my girl. I will be there every step of the way. Got it?"

I nodded and he stood across from me.

"I love you Ren, please don't shut down on me," he said softly. He tilted my chin up with his first finger and leaned down to press a kiss to my lips.

I just gave him a weak smile in return. He shook his head as he continued to clean. I wanted to believe him that everything would be fine, but when your mom dies and she's been your only reliable person, your would gets rocked.

After I finished my glass of whiskey, we headed out onto the lot and Alex told Gemma and Lowell he was headed out. JT and Piney knew how to get to him if they needed to. We got back on his bike and he drove the short distance to his trailer.

He led me into the trailer and back to his room, where I proceeded to collapse onto his bed.

"I'm gonna go shower, you should rest," he said I just laid where I was and he walked out of the room. I could hear him talking through the walls but I couldn't make out the sounds of the words. I allowed myself to wallow in self-pity about my mothers death until Alex returned to the bedroom, fresh from the shower and only dressed in some sweatpants.

"I was thinking we could order in. Maybe pizza and just chill," he said, sitting down on the edge of the bed and looking down at me.

"Sounds good," I said.

"Ren, baby, I'm sor-."

"I know Alex," I said. "I'm not ready to talk about it. Hell I might never be ready to talk about it."

He nodded a bit before placing his hand on my cheek.

"When you are, I'm here for you," he said. He leaned down and placed a kiss to my forehead. "I'm going to go order pizza, want a beer when I return?"

"No, thanks, probably shouldn't be drowning myself in booze," I said. As tempting as the thought was to start drinking and just never stop so I didn't have to process this, I knew that would only end poorly. My father was an alcoholic, and I wanted to be nothing like him.

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