The Attic

Part 17

I was frozen, the diary was sitting nicely on the dust covered shelf. Hidden away in a safe place where it would normally go unnoticed. Now, laying open the contents exposed to this world, a world and time Adaline never came to know, never came to see. The ribbon where I marked the page I last read was tucked pages behind. There exposed, eager for me to read it was the words I have never seen, words I haven't exposed. I wondered for a quick moment, when Adaline was sitting on her bed, away from the rest of the world. A place she called hers,and hers only with pieces of paper that she trusted with her most deepest thoughts, if she ever wrote these words, thinking that one day however many years down the road that a complete stranger would be reading her deepest thoughts, her hopes, fears, and even dreams. I gained control over my body, my foot inching toward where the diary sat. My nerves were shaking, was this a sign? Did Adaline want me to read this page? Perhaps a clue to give me direction to where she could of ran? If there was any issues with her and Charlie. My other foot followed behind the other, slowly creeping close and close to the diary. I bent down, reaching my hand out cautiously. I wasn't sure why I was so afraid to make contact with this book, afraid that if I touched its pages a raging shock would press through me. Was this a test? I picked up the book ease free, no fog or eerie music, no flash backs to a time I've never known. Simply I held the book in my hands, feelings its leather against my skin, I absorbed the diary being in my hand before I took on the task of reading the words that were stained onto the paper. I suddenly felt guilty for ever reading a single page out of the diary, This once was a real person, with real emotions and confessions. I felt as though I crossed a line, yet my desire to fill my mind with the words of this lost girl overtook any sort of guilt or second thoughts that quickly jumped into my skull. As fast as they flashed they disappeared to another corner of my brain that I would dig into later. There on the yellow aged paper, the fine ink lines curved into letters, dancing together in elegant words, all rolling together smoothly. Her handwriting was an art, so gently made with each stroke of finishing a letter.

"Dear Diary, My mind is in thousands of pieces floating around aimlessly looking for some answers that I don't quite think I'll find. Why is everything so complicated? Why is everything moment in this long life so damn complicated? Shouldn't we be expected to be in charge of our own destiny? Our fate should be up to us and not the hands of a force I have never seen. Everyone telling me its God that decides what I should do, he has the master plan. I'm tired of sitting here like a duck on a log waiting for a plan that I never agreed too. It doesn't make sense all this talk about what I need to what is expected of me to be. I am me, and not a word wise tail or the faith of everyone is going to tell me otherwise. I'm taking charge of myself, whether mama and father agree. I am a woman, hell I'm a full grown woman. That must count for something. I just know that I'm going to have a long happy life and it will be the will of my own plan. My plan is to run away and marry Charlie tomorrow night. Oh its the most romantic tale if you think about it. Young and so deep in love that God himself couldn't put a stop to us! Making our own fate as we run through the woods in the backyard to a new life where we never have to answer to anyone or ever have to explain our love! Ellie next door is going to help me get all ready for my big adventure, she as been so kind to Charlie and I, helping us sneak to see each other, and helping me hide things to pack at her house. How lucky I have been to be bless with such a kind heart who appreciates young love when she sees it. She can see it in our eyes, our love is pure and true and quite unstoppable. We will be like Bonnie and Clyde traveling through city and city finding freedom and loving one another. Only we won't be robbing any banks, none of that trouble for us. I suppose Charlie and I will marry in a nice chapel nice quiet ceremony seeing we won't know anyone where we will be going, wherever that may be, or maybe we will settle down first make some new friends, we will all become good friends and spend many evenings raising our babies and have barbecues in the backyards of the neighbors listening to the crickets and frogs croak and once it get dark well hunt down fire flies. I can't stop smiling thinking of this life, a life that will be mine. The best part is I'll get to spend this life with Charlie! OH I'm so sick with love its driving me mad. It reaches insides of me and twists everything together in this love sick mush for the butterflies to fly around. Ellie even made me a beautiful white dress for me to get married in, since we won't have the money to buy one for a long time. I imagine it will take some time for us to get everything together. Charlie as a stash of money put away we will manage. I don't care as long as we are together away from this town, and our families. I do pray, well If there is a God and he ever listens to me or reads this silly diary of mine , I just hope God could grant me one wish. I wish that my family will one day understand and learn to accept this and love me once again. I will always love them even though I'm so angry with them. Like I said diary, you must go through a little hell before you reach heaven.

With Love, Adaline"

Complete shocked ran over me. Ellie knew the plan so well, I never would of thought she was so close to Adaline. She made a dress for her to be married in. Did she know that Charlie was up to no good, Did she send this girl to her death. Oh no the guilt that Ellie has had to live with. I closed the diary and placed it neatly back on its place on the shelf. I slide down to the floor, a sadness swept through me. As though my very own heart had just been broken, I sat there in a silence, not even my thoughts could wake me up. Nothing made sense, I felt a tear splash down onto my hands. I was even more bewildered when I realized that lonely tear had fallen from my eyes. I've never experienced love before, and I may as well never will, but to think of this young girl so deeply she was so eager and willing to give up her family and life to start new one on nothing. So hopelessly filled with this passion and love that she was blind to anything else, to have her life shattered. The only thing I hoped with my very own beating heart is that Charlie just killed her and didn't get a chance to break her heart. As Adaline said, " you must go through a little hell before you reach heaven."
Even though I was alone, not a soul whispered in the attic other than my own, only heart was beating, and only my lungs taken in the dusty air,I still heard my voice echo in the empty walls.
"I promise Adaline, you're hell is almost over. I'll take you to heaven." Another tear ran down my face. I felt a hand wipe it away, warm and sweet. Yet when I looked no one was there. I smiled knowing that it was Adaline and she heard my promise.