All The Shadows We Made

Chapter 2 - August - Kat

August

Kat

Why is everything that's perfect for me so far out of reach?

I twist a strand of my wavy, auburn hair and stare once again at the music major admissions page for University of California-Berkeley. It's a not-gonna-happen, never-in-a-million-years, don't-even-consider-it pipe dream, but I want to go there so much it physically hurts sometimes. I hit play one more time on the spring concert recording and close my eyes as the sound of hundreds of students singing fills the air. That could be me, Kat Winters, up there on that stage. It could. Except for...

My bedroom door opens without a hint of a knock. "Katherine, are you ready?" My mother, Charlotte, peers over my shoulder at the screen. Crap. Crap, crap, crap. "What are you looking at? I thought you were researching colleges."

Except for Charlotte and Duane. They'd never let me go. We're only two hours from Madison and Duane has already vetoed me going to University of Wisconsin-Madison. UW-Oshkosh, where I can still live at home, currently tops their list of available options. Even though it doesn't have a music major and music is my life.

I close the tab and turn to face Charlotte. "Mrs. Friedland emailed the honor choir some new music to start practicing before school starts. This is our example."

"She's never done that before."

"New year, new program. We were this close to winning state last year." I pinch my thumb and forefinger together. "She doesn't want to lose again."

Charlotte seems mollified. "Well, I guess that makes sense." She swings her long brown hair over one shoulder. "Are you ready?"

"Yep." I shoulder my backpack and shove my excitement deep down in my chest. The surest way to not get to Maggie's house is to show how much I want to be there and not here.

I follow her down the stairs and through the dining room into the kitchen. Duane stands at the kitchen counter by the sink, examining the dishes I washed earlier today for water marks. My heart skips a beat. Please, please let me have dried them correctly. The top of his head nearly grazes the hanging light above the sink as he turns around. "You still letting her go, Charlotte?"

My mother shrugs. "It's either that or bring her along."

"Fine," he says to Charlotte. His brown eyes narrow as he fixes me with his usual gaze, the one saying if I haven't done something wrong yet, he's sure I will soon. The same one I've gotten ever since my mother married him and we moved to this stupid, nowhere town. The one I've never deserved. I force myself to look away. Like I joke with Maggie, it's like dealing with a bear. Never maintain eye contact and you have a chance of making it out alive. "Don't forget. Don't put a single toe out of line. Keep your location on. I'll know if you're not where you're supposed to be."

I examine the floor. "Yes, sir." I don't bother saying I'm always where I'm supposed to be. He wouldn't believe it anyway.

"Good." He puts a hand on Charlotte's shoulder and she flinches. Duane smiles. "Don't be late getting back, dear. We want to be early for our dinner reservation before the show."

Charlotte and I ride to Maggie's without saying a word. The only sound is the frigid air whooshing out of the vents. She doesn't comment on how much eyeliner I'm wearing or my all-black outfit. Whatever Duane did to warrant this particular 'I'm sorry' trip, it must have been worse than usual.

I hop out in Maggie's driveway. The roses blooming on the walkway trellis pulse with yellow and pink. I'll have to tell Jules, Maggie's mom, how great they look this year. She never pays Maggie any attention, but man does she love those roses.