Hope Lost: A Daryl Dixon Story (The Walking Dead/ Bethyl )

33- Questions

Maybe it was the way she would catch him staring as she laced up her boots. Or maybe it was the way that even the bleak sun could make his eyes shine. Maybe it was how just sitting on the porch with her head on his shoulder was intimate and real.

Maybe it was just that she had fallen deeply in love, much too deep to ever look back.

Beth Greene found herself asking these questions lately. Why did the sky seem brighter? Why were the flowers prettier now than in all her years before on the farm? Why did the dull and greyed farm house seem like home? Why was her old and dusty room her sanctuary when they shared a bed?

‘Would you have tattooed my name here?’ Beth traced her name in cursive on his inner forearm.

He didn’t answer, but it didn’t bother her. She knew she was being silly.

‘Like, you know if things were different.’ She finished tracing the ‘H’ and then kissed the skin she had just touched.

Daryl realised that such a silly thing probably meant a lot to her. If things were really different, what in God’s name would an almost forty year old man be doing with an eighteen or nineteen year old girl? Daryl lulled over an answer but settled with the very neutral ‘Sure.’

Beth smiled and her whole face lit up. Daryl was lying on his back, his eyes closed, peaceful. Beth lay next to him. The grass tickled the exposed skin on her back. Beth had a general idea of where they were. Earlier that morning Daryl had just silently taken her hand and led her to the car. She didn’t care were they were really. It was nice to just be with him. More than nice. Beth couldn’t even describe the real and pure feelings she had for him.

She snuggled closer to him. And in one of his rare moments of expressing himself, Daryl kissed the skin on her forehead. She was so soft and warm. But it wasn’t a crime, was it? Being completely infatuated by this young girl wasn’t wrong? Daryl wouldn’t fool himself and say that his feelings for Beth weren’t real. He had never experienced such purely innocent and loving emotions for someone else before. So why did their age difference bother him? It lingered at the back of his mind, gnawing persistently even when he wanted nothing more than to press Beth’s head closer into his chest and kiss the top of her head. But would it be enough? A simple kiss here and there, her soft hand on his rough cheek, his lips on her neck? Would it be enough for her? For him? The thought scared and excited him simultaneously.

‘You know, way back when I was still growing up on the farm I would have never thought I’d bring a redneck into my room.’

Daryl smirked. ‘Who would ya have had?’

‘Well, he’d be a farmer, obviously.’ Beth now traced intricate patterns on his chest with her finger. ‘He’d be tall and handsome. And really strong.’

‘I ain’t no farmer.’ Daryl said meekly as he wondered if Beth thought he lived up to her other expectations.

‘I’m sure my daddy has a pair of old overalls somewhere in his closet.’ Beth said with a little laugh.

Daryl didn’t even answer her; he just lightly poked her in the ribs.

‘I would have never pictured ya as my girl back then either.’ Daryl said softly. He really wouldn’t have.

Beth propped her arm up to rest her head on it. ‘Why’s that?’

Daryl scoffed as if the answer was obvious.

‘Why?’ Beth playfully whined as she poked his chest.

‘When were you supposed to finish high school again?’ He mumbled, his tone a touch cold.

Beth frowned and rested her head on the comfort of his chest while she let out a frustrated sigh. This again.

She thought of how Daryl might see her; young (very young), messy blonde hair and green eyes. She thought of how if things were different, she would have just been a girl to him, nothing else. She knew that for certain because she had grown on Daryl. She’d become a part of him. But it had taken time. The last time they were on the farmhouse, Daryl hadn’t given her a second glance. But if Beth were honest with herself she’d admit that she had a secret crush on him since she laid eyes on Daryl. She admired his form, the way he carried himself while he walked, his concentration, his meticulous attitude towards life. Hell even his temper made her cheeks flare up in heat.

‘I wish you’d just let it go.’ Beth mumbled.

Daryl peered down at the girl laying comfortably on his chest. She had cuddled up tight into his side. The pressure and warmth of her body was amazingly comforting for Daryl. A fleeting image passed through his mind; Beth straddling him, leaning forward so that the tip of her nose touched his, his hands placed firmly on either side of her waist. Daryl wanted so badly to act out his thoughts, but he simply wouldn’t. In fact he downright refused. And he did so because he treasured the feelings he had for her. In the past, a very long and dark time ago, when it came to women Daryl never really cared for feelings or getting emotionally involved. It was exclusively physical -which left little room for feelings to grow. But that wasn’t the case with Beth. He had seen the light inside her. And once she had exposed herself in a different way than taking her clothes off, Daryl was obsessed. He wasn’t even ashamed to admit it. The light inside her illuminated her whole being. And that could make even the toughest men smitten. So he would try his best to keep things pure between them.

‘It doesn’t bother you?’ Daryl asked her.

Beth exaggerated her frustrations with a sigh. ‘Not one bit.’

Daryl scoffed.

Beth sat up, facing him, her legs crossed. ‘I don’t understand your issue with it. I’m eighteen, you’re…’

Beth trailed off, suddenly realising that she didn’t even know Daryl’s actual age. It had bothered her that little that the thought hadn’t even crossed her mind.

Beth stared at him, expecting him to finish her sentence. When he didn’t, she rolled her eyes.

‘It really doesn’t matter to me. I hadn’t even thought about it till you kept bringing it up.’

Daryl ignored her.

‘Please.’ Beth’s tone was sincere enough to reluctantly allow Daryl to whisper his age, or what he thought it was. He waited for her reaction, for her to frown in disgust or horror at the realisation that it was just too far a gap. But she didn’t. Instead she just smiled and lay back down on his chest. Daryl would have loved to hear her thoughts at that moment.

Beth stayed quiet, hoping Daryl would keep the silence as well. She was lost in her thoughts. If a person was in love, should they really be bothered with the details? So what that she was still, physically, a teenager. Did it matter? Emotionally, because of the strain and influence of the new world, Beth had aged far past her actual age. Yes, if things hadn’t gotten so messed up and upside down, she wouldn’t have been mature enough for Daryl. But it didn’t matter now. Why couldn’t Daryl see that? Did the little things really count when you were in love? Unless…

‘We should get back before sunset.’ He interrupted her thoughts. He loosened his arms around her and she got to her feet. Her expression must have changed because he eyed her warily as he stood up.

All these questions Beth had been asking herself played through her mind. Maybe this, and maybe that. Why this, and why that. But the real question she should have been asking, was if Daryl had been asking himself these things too.

Beth’s eyes met Daryl’s and she spoke in a quiet voice, as if ashamed and very shy of her question. ‘Daryl, do you love me?’