Heart's Desire

Chapter 32 - Monty

[A/N: This chapter veers towards the smutty side, so skim or skip to the end if it's not your thing. 🙈💖]

~ ~ ~

With my tale at an end, Kit shivers and raises himself to look at me with tear-filled eyes.

"You loved him," he says.

I grab a tissue from the box beside the bed and hand it to him. He wipes his eyes and sniffs.

"Not the same way I love you," I say. "But yeah, I loved him."

"I'm sorry."

"Me, too."

He burrows back down beneath the blanket and rests his head on my chest.

"Your boss was right," he whispers. "It's not your fault."

I sigh, rubbing Kit's back between his shoulder-blades. "In my mind, I know that. My heart's been harder to convince. I keep thinking, if I'd just stayed with him. Ordered room service. If I'd done my job..."

"You couldn't have known what he was thinking, Monty," Kit says. "But I think I can guess what you're thinking now."

He raises himself again, sitting up all the way this time to look at me. In the dim light, his gold curls just catch the shine of the lantern hanging above, and his dark eyes are wide and black.

"You can?"

He nods. "You think that I'll leave you, too. But I don't love you because I need you, or because you keep me safe. I love you because you're Monty. You're the most wonderful person I've ever met, and I want to be yours forever. Don't you believe me?"

A crooked smile pulls at the side of my mouth. "I want to. It's just... there's so much going on right now, I don't trust that I'm thinking clearly. What if—"

He leans forward, resting his hands on my shoulders, and kisses me. His mouth is soft and sweet, and clean, and his body feels good in my arms; slender but strong. He smells like the woods — like earth and trees, and fallen leaves; like fresh water and blackberries in the sun. Unable to resist, I part my lips, and his hot, wet tongue teases mine with a caress.

My breath grows ragged, and a wordless sound escapes me as he deepens the kiss, letting me taste his desire, before breaking contact and backing away.

Keeping his eyes locked on mine, he lifts his shirt over his head, revealing his trim form, his bronze skin almost flawless except for the faint scars where the Dire's bite had pierced his flesh.

Brought back to earth a little, I trace the pattern with my fingertips, as if I'm drawing the lines of a constellation connecting stars. He takes my hands in his, and shakes his head.

"I'm not broken," he whispers. "And I'm not innocent. I've been hurt, and I've been frightened. But I'm not hurt or frightened anymore. Not when I'm with you. I want you as my Mate, and I want you now. Won't you have me?"

A little tremor passes through my body at his words.

"Kit..."

He reads my hesitation, and shakes his head again. "You won't hurt me, Monty. Trust me, please."

A note creeps into his voice — a note of yearning and uncertainty — and I realize that he's worried I'll reject him.

"I do, Kit. I trust you and I want you, too. But there's no rush. We can take our time. We can wait, and get to know each other, and—"

I stop as fresh tears shine in his eyes. Tears of frustration this time, maybe.

"I was always taught not to want what I couldn't have," he whispers. "Food, or affection, or freedom. Now I have more than I could ever dream. But all I want is you, and now, because now is all we have, Monty. We can't know what tomorrow may bring. So please, let me have this."