For You • (Howl x Reader) ✔️

13- Y/N

After I left Howl, I just stayed insidewith Markl. I read the books Howl had given to me. When meal times came, I and Markl ate together and shared some with Calcifer. Two days passed like that and Howl wasn’t back. I missed him. But I was worried more. Under normal circumstances, I would have just gone on with my day, but this was the war and the witch we were talking about. “Y/N, Howl will be back. Don’t you worry,” Calcifer told me in a soothing and sympathetic voice. I took a deep breath and nodded. Of course he would be back. He had gone through so much and survived. He had to survive this as well. He had to. “Yes, you’re very right, Cal,” I said giving him a small smile.

Wanting to get my mind off of how thing were turning, I went upstairs to do some cleaning. I didn’t touch anything Howl or Markl had instructed me not to. When I went to Howl’s room, I closed the door and walked inside carefully. His room was clean and shining, despite the loads and heaps of trinkets present there. I smiled as I thought about Howl and his unique ways. Unconsciously, I sat on his bed and ran my hand over the soft fabric of his bed.

I thought about how he had brought me inside his beloved room and let me sleep on his beloved bed. I thought about how my opinion about him had changed over time. I hadn’t thought much of him in the beginning. But now, I did. I thought about Howl and how he had been with me since I had come here. He had been patient with me. He had let me stay with him for as long as I wished to; he had even considered and welcomed me as a part of his family. Then he had also agreed to teach me magic. And even thought I felt like a burden, because both of us were wanted by the witch, he had still comforted me. And I could never be thankful to him enough. He had helped me so much. If it wasn’t for him, the witch would have already caught up to me and I would have been her slave.       

That was when my mind suddenly went towards Howl himself. Where he had helped me so much, he had made my life better in some way as well.

Howl was handsome and there was no denying that fact. But his deep voice and his deep chuckle always made a chill run down my spine. And I liked seeing Howl. I never understood it, but when he wasn’t around, things felt gloomy. But with him around, everything felt okay. Moreover, I felt safe with Howl; despite the witch being on our heel all the time. Since the day I had come here, I had felt safe. I felt as if when he was around, there was really nothing that could hurt me or there was nothing I couldn’t face.

Was I perhaps falling in love with Howl? No but that could not be it. Or could it? He made my heart flutter he made me feel good and confident about myself. He was kind to me. So was I really falling for him? These kinds of emotions were new to me and I didn’t understand what I was really feeling; except for the fact that when Howl spoke, it was as if the world suddenly stopped and only he mattered.

Howl always encouraged me. He helped me and he had been kind to me and what he had given to me wasn’t something I got from the world. In fact, I had finally found some kind of peace and a sense of hope and direction and safety, with him. And I called his castle my home as well; and its citizens my family as well. I liked seeing Markl run about the house performing or preparing spells or helping me around or just being happy in general. I like Calcifer and his kind attitude. Days like these, when I would be down, Calcifer was always there to help me. And then came Howl. In general, he made me feel at peace. Perhaps it was his calm and composed demeanor, but I always felt good being near him. And I loved living in the palace as well.

I wasn’t alone anymore, and I was really grateful to Howl for that. 

Seeing his empty room made me feel empty and unhappy. This room, this castle, this family, this home – it was all his. And when he wasn’t there, there really was no sense to anything. Why was I suddenly feeling so gloomy? Why was it that I wanted Howl to be sleeping inside his warm bed, or to be taking a long bath in his tub, or to be just here?

I question myself again. Did I like Howl? Yes? No? How could I find it out? I hadn’t really experienced many emotions throughout my life and this was one of the most foreign ones. But I liked the feeling as well. I liked it when my heart fluttered and turned warm seeing Howl smile. I liked feeling the odd feeling that I got inside my stomach every time Howl spoke in a deep voice or just so much as looked at me. Maybe I was beginning to like him; maybe even more than just like.

Thinking about him, I suddenly wanted to see him. “Please be okay, Howl. I cannot do this without you. Your family needs you,” I said in a low voice. And then, not even realizing what I was doing, I lowered myself over his bed. I put my head over his pillow and brought the sheets over myself. I snuggled deeply and before I knew it, I had fallen asleep on Howl’s bed.

………………………

When I woke up, I quickly sat in bed. It was Howl’s bed I had slept in; without his permission. I got out of bed and then hurriedly made it. Straightening out my clothes, I quietly went outside and then down the stairs. It was evening and everything was dark outside. Calcifer looked at me when I made me way down the stairs. He must have understood that I fell asleep in Howl’s room or Markl had told him, because he didn’t ask me where I was. “Are we moving again?” I asked him and he nodded. “Did Howl come back?” I asked him hopefully and went to sit on the couch in front of him. He shook his head. “But don’t worry, Y/N. I know he is alright,” he told me reassuringly. I nodded simply and kept looking at the fire demon.

“You love him, don’t you, Y/N?” he asked me quietly after a few moments. “I don’t know, Cal,” I told him truthfully. “I can see it in your eyes, Y/N. You may not understand it, yet, but that doesn’t mean the feelings aren’t there. When you first came here, your eyes looked hard and devoid of emotion. But when you stayed here for a while and when you spent time with Howl, I saw your eyes softening. I saw a spark and a light in them. And that spark kept increasing. And I saw the spark was bright when you looked at Howl,” he spoke. I sighed and looked at him. “The emotions that you are talking about, I have never felt them before. And these are quite new to me. When he looks at me, I feel my heart race. When he talks to me and when he laughs, I can practically feel my world getting brighter. He makes my frozen heart melt and feel warm. I don’t know what this is, and I don’t know how to explain it, but this feeling is there when Howl is around.” Calcifer studied me with his eye for a moment. “This is love, my dear,” he spoke out in a soft tone.

“I don’t like it when he isn’t around, Cal. And I don’t know why, but it is eating at me,” I admitted quietly after a few minutes of silence. “I’m afraid, Calcifer. And I don’t like it. I just want Howl to be back with us.” Calcifer nodded and smiled at me. “He will come. I know it and I believe it. And you should too. Howl had gone through hell and come back. He will go through this as well. We just have to put our faith in him and let him do the rest.”

I nodded when he said that. A while later, Markl came downstairs and we ate dinner together. Then tucking him in bed, I went over to my own couch to sleep. But I couldn’t sleep. Calcifer hummed to me and soon, I found myself drifting away to the dream land.

…………………

I was woken up but a sudden click in the middle of the night. I quickly got up and prepared myself to defend whoever came inside. Calcifer was still asleep. The handle slowly turned and the door opened. I was about ready to defend the castle but when I saw who it was that had entered; I quickly rushed towards the door and lead him inside; not wasting a moment before pulling him in my embrace.